Saturday, November 15, 2008

My Resolutions

Ok, I know I've been out of the loop for a while, but that's what happens when you're traveling to DC to see friends run marathons (great job Tim H!), grinning through weddings (congrats Karla and Ryan), winning dodgeball titles (go Innies and Outies!) and celebrating the holidays (in one case until a certain fiancee of my mother's started Christmas morning filling the toilet bowl from the wrong end).

Anyway, I have been inspired by several Men's Journal articles to create a 12 step resolution plan that should guarantee me some fun, exercise and reason for me to get out of the house. Here we go...
  1. Play 18 (poorly) at Sugarloaf
  2. Having tortured my bro, Sterl and the two Tim's through numerous heinous rounds at Pelham International, I figure that it's time for a go on a real course. Sure it's expensive, but it will give me a reason to curse, drink and enjoy the Maine summer air for a weekend.

  3. Climb Mt. Washington
  4. Mt. Monadnock is a great climb, but there are only so many times a worthless soccer mom can call you fat on the mountain before you want to find another overly populated climb. Being that Mt. Washington is big, nearby, somewhat famous and easy to find, it will have to do.

  5. Pass out in Montreal
  6. I'm starting to realize that big cities are about more than airports and boring museums. What better way to associate with some French Canadians than to drink, gamble and see boobies in their crown jewel of a city? Hopefully I'll have several co-drinkers, co-gamblers and co-boobie gazers to help drag me back to the hotel.

  7. Climb Katahdin
  8. While I may have spent 18 years of my life in Maine, they were as an awkward, morbidly obese, socially inept teen. Now that I'm only slightly obese, can fake my way through small talk, have pared down my awkward rate count to about 12 occurrences a day and actually enjoy hiking, I plan to return to my homeland for a day long hike up the large piece of granite.

  9. Acadia on Bike
  10. My one previous experience at Acadia was as a 10 year old hocking loogies into the water until a disgusted elderly woman (probably 40 years old or so) got irritated and asked me to stop. I've only heard great things about the park and have seen some amazing photos, so what better way to see as much as possible than on the back of a Holmes powered bicycle?

  11. Drive the Kancamagus (during the day)
  12. I've driven the twisting, dipping, moose-laden scenic byway once in my life. At night. During a snowstorm. With one headlight. Yeah, it was a great trip. I figure I should give the world famous road another shot and drive it on a bright, sunny day.

  13. Hike the Appalachian Trail
  14. Technically this will be covered by hiking Katahdin and Washington, but I figure I should see a different part of the trail. Maybe I'll spend a long weekend in a nice part of Virginia or experience Tennessee for the first time. Either way, a day or two on the trail should be a nice escape from reality.

  15. Ben & Jerry's Factory Tour
  16. Most of the items on this list involve some type of exercise. What better way to offset hours of walking, hiking, biking and running than to tour a factory dedicated to creating a snack of such delicious proportions that I will choose it over a flatulence free evening. For the record, my favorite is Peanut Butter Cup.

  17. Kayak Winnipesaukee
  18. The lakes region is crawling with New Hampshire celebrities trying to get away from it all for a week - what better way to spy on them than by kayak? Luckily, my saintly mother bought me a brand new kayak for Christmas (which I promptly used to shatter my windshield). Hopefully I can spy a celeb of Sandler-esque proportions.

  19. Play in the Bethel Snow - With Snowshoes
  20. Anyone can go to Sunday River for a weekend and strap on a pair of skis, but few avoid the long lines, screaming children and Massholes by strapping on snowshoes. Fortunately, it is an affordable endeavor that can be followed with scorpion bowls at the Matterhorn.

  21. Cooperstown, Yet Again
  22. Cooperstown is about as perfect as a place can get. A picturesque lake, bustling main street, and plenty of good food - there are few places left like it. Of course, the Baseball Hall of Fame helps in the allure, as does the constant stream of childhood heroes which it promises. The brief 4 hour trip from scenic Pelham, NH makes it an easy target for a weekend trip.

  23. Run the Beach to Beacon
  24. My running has been cut back quite a bit lately for various reasons. What better way to get back into it than to train for an easy distance (10k) on a great course and the promise of several fellow Skowheganites who are willing to participate. 165lbs, here I come!
So there you have my list. If you're interested in coming along for one (or more) trips, just drop me a line. I'll be sure to update the blog with pictures, stories and poison ivy related updates as the year goes on.

Happy Holidays!

-Chad

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My New Whip (Know What I'm Sayin?)*

If you've spoken with me, read my blog or been in the same area code as me in the last 15 months, you are well aware that I've been on the hunt for a new car. Not that the Saab was a bad ride, but a man with my power (uh?), wealth ("at least $10 million" according to Yogan) and great social standing (several people from Southern NH know I exist) requires an auto of the highest quality.

Being that I am somewhat cheap and tend to over analyze everything I do (you don't want to know what goes through my head after a first date), picking a car, dealership, salesman, trim, add-ons, and financing plan was a huge undertaking. Among my requirements were the following:
  • A car I can beat up - The Saab is dinged beyond belief. The new car must be able to handle my man-child clumsiness.
  • Something that can haul a decent amount of cargo - It has to fit golf clubs, a bike, skis and several drunken 1998 Maine Class A basketball championship team members. All at once.
  • An auxillary input jack - I MUST be able to listen to my iPod without changing the radio station every 10 minutes.
  • AWD/4WD - Believe it or not, NH and ME get nasty in the winter, especially at Sunday River. It must get me there and back no problem.
  • A sun roof - I'm a diva. No reason other than the fact I like them.
  • A decent sleeping area - Between my XC journey and a couple nights in Boston, I realized the importance of a comfortable area to rest my eyes for several hours.
  • Decent gas mileage - At least 20mpg combined
  • Something as sexy as its' owner - This is self explanatory and goes without saying.
With those requirements in mind I started researching. And test driving. And doing more research. Then calling dealerships. Then interviewing salesmen (seriously). Then even more research. When all was said and done, there were a handful of small SUVs pushed to the way side:
  • Jeep Patriot and Compass (horrible drive, kinda for chicks who like chicks)
  • Toyota RAV4/Honda CR-V (every one I asked said "Oh, my mom loves hers")
  • Subaru Forrester/Outback (too expensive, again for chicks who like chicks)
  • Ford Escape/Explorer (didn't like the drive that much)
  • Another Saab (Saab + GM = $40,000 worth of garbage)
In the end, all signs pointed to the Honda Element. It carries cargo well. It has a nice ride. There is a sunroof in the back for some reason. The seats actually turn into a bed. And the kicker - you can spray the inside down when it gets covered in unidentifiable liquid/solid combinations.

So without further adieu, my new Element:




If you're in the Southern NH area and are looking to buy an Element (or any other Honda), let me know. The good folks at Peter's Honda never once made me feel uncomfortable, never tried any funny business, and gave me a great deal. Big thanks to Matt and the rest of the team there.


*Yet another TPB reference. Please watch with a native Skowheganite if you haven't already.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Google Analytics - Take 2

In an attempt to amuse those that know most of my stories before I post them, I decided I should come up with a brand new post whose details have yet to leak to my numerous fan forums or be scribbled on bathroom stall walls. Seeing as how I'm not skilled in fictional literature and my Q&A pool has dried up, I've decided to go to one of the hidden gems I've discovered through this blog - Google Analytics.

As you may recall from previous posts, there are a few pieces of info collected by Google Analytics that I find interesting such as visits per day (around 8 - thanks a lot for the support you bums) and referring sites (yet another shout out to the McGarrys for the traffic they send my way). The two pieces of info I find of utmost interest are where people are viewing from, and what they are searching for that leads them to me.

So a little rundown of where people are stalking me from:
Manchester, NH
34 visits in the last month. Between MiaManda and the dodgeball teammates, I'm getting a few hits.
Sterling, VA
A distant second at 17 as co-workers and friends stalk me, my facial hair and that beaver like hair do I was carrying around.
NYC
Ummm, no idea who has tracked me down 9 times. If you find my blog more interesting than all of NYC around you, please let me know. I'm honored and sad for you at the same time.
From there it dwindles down to a few visits from locations that can be easily attributed to family members, random acquaintances, and those that kinda want to know what I'm up to but can't stand the thought of listening to a rambling 45 minute soliloquy over a crappy cell phone connection.

Oddly enough, I'm starting to get some international fans as I've had hits from Canada, England, Germany and Romania. Glad I can further perpetuate the horrible American image for them.

And now, without further ado, everyone's favorite subject...search terms that have lead to Fat Man Running...
  • "Badlands Running" - Not too bad. Kinda glad I can be associated with that search.
  • "Dangers of iliteracy" [sic] - Ummm...I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony.
  • "Fat waddle" - I'm a little offended, but I can understand the connection.
  • "Fat man running photo" - Really?
  • "Fatman in lycra" - Come on now.
  • "Fat guy humping diaper" - Just why?
  • And the best - "Old big fat man to man massage in london" - Seriously, who is f'ing with me? This isn't funny.
I will leave you with those deeply disturbing thoughts of fat men in various stages of undress, physical activity and lubrication. God help us all...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Halloween '08

Just a quick update on Halloween: The Maine crew is in to the Trailer Park Boys as much now as ever. In homage to this genius of a show we decided to imitate them to the best of our abilities:




















Maybe not 100% accurate, but pretty damn close. We missed out on J-Roc who had to cancel at the last second, but were lucky enough to have MiaManda there as Sarah, Melissa as some kind of prostitute, and Danielle as a more mature (and freakishly realistically pregnant looking) Ellen Page to make the night plenty of fun.


Always remember: A dope trailer is no place for a kitty.