Fat Men Running

A great record has fallen. One that lasted nearly 2 years, was targeted by many (at least 3), but untouchable by all.

That's right, the Holmes family half marathon record has been surpassed. And not only did it fall, but it hit the ground like an Irishman trying to jump a fence on March 17th. So to my younger brother, congrats on a 1:44 showing (just under 8 min/mile) at the Fredericton Half Marathon. An 8 minute pace is impressive in any race, never mind one of such a distance.

In a congratulatory gesture, here is a photo of you skipping over the finish line like the little girl you are:

Hats off to Janine as well, who dominated the 10k in under 58 minutes. We can all agree that her finishing picture is much more masculine than the "man" with whom she lives in sin:

Of course, this blog would be nothing without a little self promotion, so here is a joyous me after a 1:56 (9min/mile) finish. Not bad for a fat man.

And finally, big props to MiaManda. Over 20 hours in a car with my family over 3 days and not one person was slapped, kicked or stabbed. This was possibly the greatest endurance feat of the weekend. I offer you this picture with the hottest man in the world as your award.

My Special Skill - Making Any Situation Awkward

I'll keep this short and sweet. I went for a great 7 mile run in Mine Falls Park on Sunday - and absolutely great spot for a sunny afternoon jog. While rocking out to semi-obscure Ben Folds songs (specifically "Rent-A-Cop"), I decided to screech along.

Luckily, at the very instance I was being passed by an unseen dude on a mountain bike, I puffed out one of the best lyrics ever written:

"Hey baby, baby light that ass on fire".

Yeah, he rode a little faster after he heard that.

Shorty Got Low

As anyone who has witnessed one of my outings at Harp knows, I have some pretty unique dance moves. My rug cutting skills are somewhere between football player and epileptic, so any demos of what I should be doing are greatly appreciated.

So it was with great joy that I came across this video on Barstool Sports the other day. This kid is just brilliant.



So to this child's parents - my hat is off to you. You might want to buy a little penicillin for when he gets older.

Is Nothing Sacred?

I'm as much of a fan of a good April Fool's gag as the next gent, but there are some things that should not be touched. At the top of my list: Unwanted Pregnancy.

So I was less than amused when the current girl sent this little bundle of humor my way:

While I've been assured it is just a joke, Mia Manda better watch herself. Such jokes will lead to me balled up in a corner, mumbling "no, god, why me?" while weeping and rocking for hours on end.

And to the good folks at someecards - well done!

I Like Sportz

In honor of the second best time of year (only behind October baseball) I submit a video that reflects my feelings on sports while also accurately depicting my complete inability to master any activity requiring more effort than tapping a keyboard.

Courtesy of the geniuses at The Lonely Island

Pre-FAT-taine Runs Again

In what has seemingly become an annual rite of passage, my lovable prick of a brother has decided to update my nickname for all the world to enjoy.

It wasn't enough that on the day I was born my parents blessed me with a name that would soon draw thoughts of sweaters draped over polo shirts while a girlfriend named Muffy or Miffy or Belle watches me play croquet.

Nor was it enough when a middle school friend dubbed me with a nickname, which delicious in sandwiches is not so palatable on the ears ("Cheddar!"). And who can forget the mockery of my alter ego Chaz - the Guitar Hero aficionado of facebook fame.

Apparently those have all gone stale. The roar of "Chaaaazzzzyyyyy" on Christmas morning just wouldn't work for another year. And while a poster of Chady Buckets currently hangs on my living room wall for all to see, that too has apparently gone to the birds.

Instead, my family has decided to revert back to my love (hate?) of running while mocking a long deceased great. It is now guaranteed that at the end of every race, I'll hear the same respone - "How'd you do Pre-FAT-taine?" When I come home with a soaked shirt after a quick 10k there is no doubt in my mind I'll hear "Set any land speed records Pre-FAT-taine?" And soon enough, as I'm slipping on my beloved New Balances, I'm sure to hear "I thought you were a Nike man back in the day, Pre-FAT-taine".

So with that in mind, I give you a picture of the great Pre-FAT-taine:

Me in the Hynes 5 miler - (41:06 and no, it wasn't as cold as it may appear)

And please remember, if you were to ever forget any one of my nicknames, there is an easy way to hear them all. Slip on some Phil Vassar, load a truck with drunken Holmes and Fredrick boys (except for the driver of course), and drive for an hour. It is a 100% guarantee that the subject of every song, whether man, woman, child or beast, will be replaced with cries of "Cheddar", "Chazzy" and "Chady Buckets".

Great Friends Are Hard to Find...

I have recently discovered that there is a risk you take when discussing certain topics with friends. Whether those topics are financial, personal, or just random, things can always take a turn for the worst.

Today the topic of gym trainers came up, and I shared a link with a dear friend of mine. Unfortunately the website that link went to contained an email address for one of my gym's trainers, to which the following email was nearly sent:

Hello <Trainer's Name>,

I have a friend who belongs to your gym and he is in desperate need of physical help. As he is approaching 30, I can't help but feel an emotion of sadness when I gaze upon his body. I have copied Chad in hopes you will confront him at the gym and potentially inspire him to pursue physical activity as you have in your life. I thank you in advance for helping chad become a healthier and better man.

Best wishes

Of course, words were not enough. The following picture was also to be attached to the email:

Now, this dear friend claims that the email was never sent, but I'm completely expecting to be confronted at the gym in the next several days. Here's to hoping for future work outs that are free of awkwardness.