New Year's Eve in NYC: A Better Alternative

Anyone that has spoken to me for more than 12 seconds on the topic of NYC gets an instant dose of passionate (and often unprompted) opinions. First, it is the most amazing place in the world. Second, the taxes are horrible. Third, nestled in the middle of this wonderland is a place of such vulgarity, gaudiness and pinballesque existence that I've devised a list of tortuous activities I'd prefer over a jaunt to the capital of giant M&Ms and unoriginal show tunes.

Naturally, I was less than excited about potentially spending 9 hours on New Year's Eve adjacent to strangers sporting urine bags, ridiculous scarves and Nivea hats just to see 32,235 LED lights drop concurrently. So I was quite delighted to be informed by MiaManda about a healthier, more original and surprisingly entertaining event a mere 25 blocks north of Times Square - the Emerald Nuts Midnight Run.

To say this fun run was the perfect way for a lard-ridden man to start the new year would be an understatement. Among the many benefits are:

• Fireworks in Lieu of a Starting Gun - The display began directly over the starting line and lasted for much of the first mile. Even a bitter old man such as myself had to feel a little giddy.
  
• A Manageable Distance - 4 miles is a great distance. Long enough to get a decent workout, but short enough that even the moderately in shape can run it.
  
• Great Costumes - The Tetris blocks won the costume competition this year, but the full squad of TMNT, the Snuggie patrol and multiple 80s-themed sorority girls gave them a run for the money.
• On Lookers - The streets of Central Park were lined with supporters blaring music, giving high fives and providing plenty of encouragement. I'm not sure who let the old dogs out, but they turned the fun run into a FUN RUN!
  
• Pure Hotness - This one may get me in trouble with the girl, but it is worth mentioning. There were multiple naughty Mrs. Claus costumes, runner chicks in spandex and one can only assume numerous unmentionable thoughts running through other participants' heads. For those more impressed by testosterone, shirtless, moob-less men abound.

Unfortunately, my normal team of trainers, photographers, groupies and handlers decided that activities such as drinking and working were preferable to standing in a dark, cold, snowy Central Park to catch a glimpse of me waddling for 15-20 seconds, so decent pictures are currently non-existent. But please take my word on this one - if you ever plan on spending New Year's Eve in NYC, skip the ball dropping and take a 40 minute jaunt around the park.