Saturday, May 1, 2010

Affirmation of a Blog Name

While I'd like to believe that my blog name is somewhat original, a quick search shows that multiple others of larger carriage have taken a liking to the "Fat Man Running" theme. Most of these sites focus on a plump gent documenting the journey to their "inner skinny guy" or who has "aspirations of losing weight while completing a marathon". I'd love to report that these blogs often end in great success, but I'd be lying. The Fat Man Running life is a tough one to live for more than a few ambitious months at a time.

Luckily, my Fat Man Running theme is not fly-by-night - I've been a fat runner since I became a man. This, of course, is arguable. My mother will always claim I'm too skinny (she once told me this at 255 lbs while I squeezed into 42" jeans), skilled runners may call my stride more of a waddle (I prefer an awkward gait), and my brothers love to remind me that my manhood is questionable at best.

With such misguided accusations of a healthy BMI, choppy strides and flowing effeminacy, I needed a sign that I was in fact a Fat Man Running. Something that says "this is so unique to your situation that it would bare your name if it were any less common." Something that affirms gender, body composition and activity level with one fell swoop. Something...sexy!

Instead, I got injured. With only 1/2 mile left in the Scotland Run 10k an injury struck me with such force that doctors had to give it the least intimidating name possible so as to avoid panic at its' mere utterance. Yes, I'm talking about plantar fasciitis.

Now don't let fancy Latin sounding names diminish the seriousness of this issue. Plantar fasciitis travels with it's friend - Excruciating Pain - sometimes as high as a 5 or 6 on the pain scale (roughly between a cat scratching your leg and a really bad migraine). Even worse, the main course of treatment is rest - not something that I do well when the sun is shining and races abound.

Luckily there is a golden lining in plantar fasciitis - the affirmation I was desiring (yes - this is what I worry about these days). Something to prove my manhood. My running. My truly being a big fat fatty. Scientific proof that I was a Fat Man Running in the form of common causes of plantar fasciitis:
  1. Active men (normally 40-70, but I'll take what I can get)
  2. Running
  3. Obesity
Some may argue that such proof may bring at least one of my questionable traits under further scrutiny, but I'm just happy that I now have hard evidence to fall upon when discussing my moniker of choice.

6 comments:

Dwight Hamner said...

You HAVE to rest it. Failure to do so can lead to at least recurrence of acute symptoms and at worst a rupture, which means surgery. Nobody wants that. Relax

Have a donut!

-DH

Ancora Pasta said...

I think they allow foot-propping at Caracas Arepas Bar and at Katz's Delicatessen. Both of these outstanding examples of regional, ethnic cuisine will also make you a fat fatty. I believe that you can also sit while playing Tiger Woods. If you'd like to borrow my husband to whoop your ass, for a second straight time, you can have him. An ass-whooping of the genre that he'll give you might take away some of your sissy foot pain. Just sayin.

chadwik66 said...

I wish I could avoid dignifying such slander with a response, but facts must be stated.

1. Your measly husband won a total of 2 Tiger Woods rounds that weekend. He just happened to win the last one before you had to jump on a train.

2. Plantar fasciitis is really painful dammit. I'm not a sissy!

3. Take a look at those NYC pics again. Whose husband has a sweatshirt that exposes both his moobs and guy?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

-Chad

Anonymous said...

Chad, If you would stop running in a pair of New Balance sneakers that you wore while you were playing for the Maine State Champion Skowhegan Basketball Team 12 years ago, you would not have this issue. Stop being so tight with your hard earned money and spring for a new pair of running shoes - did you spend all of your winnings already from your Stud Search Crowning??? You are too thin.....Love Mom (PS - boy, Ancora Pasta really gotcha?...."just sayin''....LOVE IT!)

Mike said...

Do people really live in New Hampshire?

The un-Zen Runner said...

Here's a limerick for you:

Fasciitis is associated with Fatness.
With rest you'll become a Hippopotamus.
When you get better
You'll run more than ever
And lose all that weight in your man breast.

Funny post. Hope you get better!