Google Analytics - Take 2

In an attempt to amuse those that know most of my stories before I post them, I decided I should come up with a brand new post whose details have yet to leak to my numerous fan forums or be scribbled on bathroom stall walls. Seeing as how I'm not skilled in fictional literature and my Q&A pool has dried up, I've decided to go to one of the hidden gems I've discovered through this blog - Google Analytics.

As you may recall from previous posts, there are a few pieces of info collected by Google Analytics that I find interesting such as visits per day (around 8 - thanks a lot for the support you bums) and referring sites (yet another shout out to the McGarrys for the traffic they send my way). The two pieces of info I find of utmost interest are where people are viewing from, and what they are searching for that leads them to me.

So a little rundown of where people are stalking me from:

Manchester, NH

34 visits in the last month. Between MiaManda and the dodgeball teammates, I'm getting a few hits.

Sterling, VA

A distant second at 17 as co-workers and friends stalk me, my facial hair and that beaver like hair do I was carrying around.

NYC

Ummm, no idea who has tracked me down 9 times. If you find my blog more interesting than all of NYC around you, please let me know. I'm honored and sad for you at the same time.

From there it dwindles down to a few visits from locations that can be easily attributed to family members, random acquaintances, and those that kinda want to know what I'm up to but can't stand the thought of listening to a rambling 45 minute soliloquy over a crappy cell phone connection.

Oddly enough, I'm starting to get some international fans as I've had hits from Canada, England, Germany and Romania. Glad I can further perpetuate the horrible American image for them.

And now, without further ado, everyone's favorite subject...search terms that have lead to Fat Man Running...

• "Badlands Running" - Not too bad. Kinda glad I can be associated with that search.
• "Dangers of iliteracy" [sic] - Ummm...I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony.
• "Fat waddle" - I'm a little offended, but I can understand the connection.
• "Fat man running photo" - Really?
• "Fatman in lycra" - Come on now.
• "Fat guy humping diaper" - Just why?
• And the best - "Old big fat man to man massage in london" - Seriously, who is f'ing with me? This isn't funny.

I will leave you with those deeply disturbing thoughts of fat men in various stages of undress, physical activity and lubrication. God help us all...