Brussels - A Pretty Fun Place After All

After four very unimpressive days in Brussels, I had to take a step back and figure out what I was missing. I'd heard lots of good things. Everyone seems to have enjoyed their previous time here. Where could I have gone wrong?

And then it hit me: I didn't have a plan. I had been randomly walking the streets of Brussels with no aim - no sights I wanted to see, no food I wanted to eat, no fountains I wanted to bathe in. So after a long night's sleep on Saturday, I sat down over a grilled pita lunch and devised a plan. These days, my opinion of Brussels is much better - here are my church-less, museum-less highlights:

Artwork Without Stuffy Fake Art Lovers - Sick of standing next to the dumbass with a money pouch sticking out of his pants studying the Mona Lisa for 20 minutes just in case 200 million other eyes have missed something? Me too. That's why I stick to sculpture parks like Place du Petit Sablon and Warandepark (aka Parc de Bruxelles). The sculptures are amazing, the crowds don't dare walk nearly a mile from the tour busses and the Parc metro stop is very close.

Peeing Statues - Sure Manneken Pis is famous, but he has an equally entertaining sister (Jeanneke Pis) and pet dog (Zinneke Pis) scattered throughout the city. Depending on the number of pints consumed, Jeanneke Pis is sure to make you giggle for five to fifty minutes.

A Idyllic Grand Plaza - When I go into a Grand Plaza/Main Street area, there are a few things I want: A lack of greasy vendors, great buildings, cobblestone, an impressive town hall and somewhere to drink. Luckily, the Grand Plaza has it all. I will even give a rare non-sports museum shout out to Musee de la Ville de Bruxelles for its' great Manneken Pis costume wing.

Celebrating Because, Well, They Want To - It seems that every corner in the touristy areas of Brussels are celebrating something. Firefighters, Halloween, peeing statues. Who can't love a city that constantly is looking for a reason to drink?

Gastronomic Diversity - While Belgium has the rights to breakfast, dessert and dinner time drinks, there aren't a whole lot of easily identifiable foods with real nutritional value. Luckily every other culture in the world is ready to hop in and help. A one week stay included visits to Irish, Indian, Chinese, Greek, Thai and Italian restaurants. There were seemingly a million more to chose from.
The Best Gay Club Name Ever - A real, live lesbian once told me that I'm extremely un-butch. As I gently placed my tea cup down and contemplated slapping her with an open hand, I realized it's true. The benefit of this? I can accidentally stumble into any town's gay district without the fear of being ravaged by those savages beasts. While the assless chaps are usually enough to make me crack up, passing L'Homo Erectus with a disco ball twirling and belly shirts for as far as the eye can see made me giggle like a school girl.
Sales Rooms Disguised as Museums - What's more breathtaking than a dozen classic Mercedes? The €435,000 base price for the McLaren Roadster on display. And don't forget the additional 21% sales tax that brings the total price to nearly €530,000 (about $750,000 to you and me!)
Awesome Buildings - I've had my share of museums and castles for a few lifetimes, but I still love the old town halls and townhouses. Luckily Brussels had plenty on display!




Entertaining Street Musicians - I heard a great rendition of "Tears in Heaven" on acoustic guitar. Unfortunately for the Clapton wanna be, the accordion extraordinaire playing "Rich Girl" was the winner of my daily street performer Euro.

Indy Store Fronts - Fancy vinyl - either to wear or listen to? Maybe some 30 year old toys? A life size cut out of R2D2 and C3PO? Look hard enough and you'll find whatever (and I mean whatever) your heart desires in one of Brussels' shops.


Amazing Public Transportation - The trains are frequent, smooth and fast. Each station gives an indicator of how many trains are running, where they are and how long you have to wait. For the lesser served areas, electric above ground trains and diesel buses will take you quickly and cheaply. There is never a need for a rental car since long haul trains seem to run to every major European city from the Central Station every hour.

And as I stated in an earlier post, it was going to take a "massive beer garden with killer sausages, live sports on big screen tvs and girls of Oktoberfest proportions to elevate my opinion" of Brussels. While I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, I did find...

Fat Guys Sportsbar & Grill - I walked in to find the Pats game projected on one wall, nearly a dozen LCDs carrying a variety of other football, baseball and soccer games, an owner with a Sox tattoo on one arm and a great group of Mainers/Massholes to drink with. Four hours and several (maybe many) pints of Jupiler later, I was stumbling home with an ear to ear grin and take out chicken fingers that held my attention more than the whistling prostitutes ever could.

So, with my old man grumpiness pushed aside, I will gladly upgrade my status of Brussels from "Eh, it's worth seeing for an afternoon" to "Plan the Night Before, Arrive in the Morning, Walk (or Ride) Around All Day, Get Drunk That Night and Head to Paris/London/Amsterdam After Lunch the Next Day".