A Summer in Limericks

"Oh where, oh where have you been?

You dude with the double stuffed chin.

Last time you did write,

I thought I just might

Cry for you and your corpulent kin."

"Well, the summer vacation was great

Despite the new excess weight

From the Cabot factory store

Plus a Ben & Jerry's tour

During a weekend-long Vermont date

Next was the Hall of Fame,

To see the best who have played the game.

Both Rickey and Rice

Delivered quite nice,

But Pete Rose was old, fat and lame.

Let's not forget Carrie and Tim

And her poor judgement in choosing him.

The rain was unplanned,

But Greystone Manor was grand

To prove they are more than a whim."

"But what of this move to New York?

You socially awkward dork.

With a great deal of fear,

The last I did hear,

Is you partied with Jay-Z and Bjork!"

"To believe that you'd have to be dim,

For I'm not rich, smart or slim.

But my college friend Joe,

Was on the Letterman show

Which must be more fun than IBM*

And for my birthday I did get to see

Accompanied by a symphony

My man crush Ben Folds

Whose voice is like gold

And nearly makes me go pee.

So I will, with all of my might

Try much, much harder to write

On a regular basis

About far away places

Or maybe just more nonsensical shite"

*Give me a break - it almost rhymes