A Recipe to End the Year On

Having spent my previous New Year's Eve in an entertaining but way too healthy manner, I made a pre-2011 resolution to consume as much combined sugar, caffeine and alcohol in one night as my quickly aging body would allow, while still being able to drive to a wedding the following day.

The natural choice for such a challenge was the much ballyhooed Four Loko, which proudly boasts having as much caffeine as a large cup of coffee mixed with up to 12% alcohol and a fruity kick for fun. Alas, in a show of surprising responsibility and potential intelligence, our government quickly banned the product enjoyed by frat boys from coast to coast

Luckily, college age degenerates are plentiful, creative and internet savvy, leading to home brew Four Loko instructions quickly being posted on YouTube:

Unfortunately, I don't keep a regular supply of St. Ides Malt Liquor in my humble abode as the instructions recommend, and typically avoid straight consumption of caffeine pills as they occasionally can cause hearts to stop beating. With those factors in mind, I hit up Walmart and the local liquor store, and after a little experimenting, came up with the following recipe with not quite disappointing results:

Ingredients:

• 2 - 12 oz cans of Monster Lo-Carb Energy drink
• 10 - Jolly Ranchers (The purple/blue combination is recommended although pink/red worked ok as well)
• 32 oz diet sprite
• 12 oz Pomegranate Vodka

Instructions:

1. Dissolve the Jolly Ranchers in the Monster for ~12 hours
2. Mix everything together
3. Drink

The resulting mixtures contained somewhat unnatural hues of reds and greens but goes down as easy as Kool-Aid (this was confirmed with several small children playing outside). While the results of consuming such a brew have yet to occur, and will likely be best left undocumented, it can only be assumed that caffeine + booze = pure awesomeness.