(***Important Note***: This is not meant to be a gushing email about the lovely lady who accompanied me on the outing. She does seem like quite the catch, but a first date is only enough to eliminate a total dullard, not lock in my next subject of semi-obsession).
Experimental Details
The Theory: A straight-forward, no-nonsense, avoid-the-normal-dating-games attitude may actually work with sane, intelligent, ambitious-in-life girls.
The Experiment: Completely update my Match.com account to remove any doubt about what I want, who I am or what I look like. Skip the normal cutesy, joking or sensitive gunk and get right to the point. Ultimately, the profile has a picture of me as you'd find me on a Saturday night (unshaven, wearing a long sleeve t-shirt with geek glasses and celebrating with a three beer fueled smile) and two direct, one paragraph sections (available upon request):
- About Me
- About The Chick I want
Initial Results: An immediate increase in lovely ladies viewing my profile, sending me messages or winks (a virtual wink though, really?), and ultimately an incredibly enjoyable first date (keep reading to understand the definition of 'incredibly enjoyable'...)
Initial "Test" Subject/Activity Partner/Date
The initial test subject was one that had to really break the previous mold of partially intelligent, nearly mute, rarely laughing types of ladies that have tended to show up to the many Starbucks and Paneras in which I've sat uncomfortably throughout the years. I also narrowed the age range to someone within a couple years of myself and immediately eliminated anyone with:
The initial test subject was one that had to really break the previous mold of partially intelligent, nearly mute, rarely laughing types of ladies that have tended to show up to the many Starbucks and Paneras in which I've sat uncomfortably throughout the years. I also narrowed the age range to someone within a couple years of myself and immediately eliminated anyone with:
- Rampant misspellings in their profile or emails
- References to how she'd really like to try a 5k/hike/some other simple activity
- Obvious non-compliance of my Mom's "Rule of Ass" (to be known as MROA from here on out)
- Signs of being a dullard - either borderline or completely
- Other completely arbitrary disqualifiers that changed depending on my mood, randiness and alcohol consumption at time of communication
Luckily a very intelligent, active, driven, engaging and attractive young lady tickled my fancy and a driving range outing was scheduled after a week or so of exchanging emails. (Again, this is not intended to gush about her, just set the stage and flatter her if she stumbles upon this post.)
The Outing
Seeing as how the change in attitude and approach was going so well, I continued with the same mindset. Rather than seeing this little meet up as an event in which I attempted to impress a girl with bad jokes, obscure references and long-winded tech babble (or "smart stuff, smart stuff, blah, blah, blah" as a certain cousin called it recently), I decided to treat it as a golf outing with a new activity partner. The difference was immediately noted:
- Limited Forced Conversation - The conversation started short and sweet with an obvious excuse to end awkward silence (namely, buckets of balls to smack) as needed. This limited the forced conversation and actually allowed for more entertaining discussions.
- Reminder of a Mutual Try Out - Every time I got a bit nervous, I remembered that this was a mutual try out - I was kicking her tires as much as she was kicking mine. For every bad joke I made, she whiffed at an unmoving ball. For every long, straight drive I had, she flashed even more intelligence or a great smile. It was like we both read the first 3 pages of "Alternative Flirting for Dummies" and alternated actions from the "Do's" and "Don'ts" lists.
- Display of True Nature - There is only one thing more infuriating than completely whiffing at a golf ball - a smart-ass, giggling fool who just smacked a ball 250 yards dropping a teasing insults every time you do. If there is ever an opportunity for a real attitude to show through, the first driving range session of the season with a complete stranger is the time.
- A Chance to "Check Out the Goods" (In a Non-Pervy Way) - Some may not want to admit it, but physical attraction plays a part in all relationships. The amount differs between individuals, but a first date is the first chance to gauge the level of attraction. Luckily I had gotten to the range early and found side-by-side hitting booths. By pure chance, I ended up in the booth behind her. Now, of course this wasn't planned, but it at least gave me an opportunity or two to check out her swing, posture, and of course make sure she fulfilled the MROA. For the record, she passed with flying colors.
The Aftermath
The driving range outing was actually quite a success. Not only did most of my game carry over from last season (this really isn't saying too much...), but we both seemed to have a blast. It took us nearly two hours to hit 60 balls each - much longer than it should have. The laughing and talking spilled over to a sushi bar where a fish filled boat the size of a Buick was presented as the standard dinner for two. After 3.5 hours, she had not managed to bore me at any point, and as far as I can tell, I rarely offended her. I'm not sure which of these tasks are more impressive, but they are mutually unusual.
The future is unknown and unpredictable (although if she stumbles upon this and previous posts, she may be a little taken aback by my seemingly non-sensical approach to dating), but this mini-experiment at least helped me realize that it is impossible (albeit difficult) to have an enjoyable first date. The key is just good company, fun times, some confidence and a small amount of booze and Red Bull about an hour beforehand.
Stay tuned for my likely next post - How to Blow a Great Opportunity By Posting Your First Date on the Internet.
1 comment:
Excellent post. Now, don't be stingy with your gifts and have several more first dates and post those.
DH
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