Day 1 - From A(rches) to Z(ion) - The Start of a New Road Trip

Having been absent from both the blog-o-sphere and vacation-o-sphere for way too long (plus having made a grand gesture of @saubin50's b-day this year with a promise for a National Park Road trip), it's time to fire up the old Blogspot account and see if I can still entertain folks...

Foundation Point 1: The Overview

This year's road trip will be all National Parks, almost all the time. The list is long and dare I say AWESOME with parks ranging from Arches to Zion and accommodations including Yurts, Teepees and a scattering of reasonably priced hotels, motels and Holiday Inns. As is my wont, a semi-detailed Google Map is available for those looking to stalk a bit more.

Foundation Point 2: The Epic Eff Up

It’s not every day that I begin planning a fall vacation during the spring, so picking a date seemed pretty easy at the time. At one point I even uttered the words “Won’t Utah be a bit too hot in August? Let’s go in September!” All harmless, right?

Wrong. WRONG. W-R-O-N-G! September 7th is week 1 of the NFL and anyone that follows my pathetic attempt at life IRL realizes that this marks the first of 16 consecutive Sundays where I sit on a couch cheering on myriad fantasy teams with idiotic names like “VAST Like Yo Mama”, “Skowvegas Skidmarks” and my most lazy attempt at double entendre ever, “Chad’s Low Hanging Fruit”. Missing week 1 of hibernation in front of NFL RedZone is like a junkie showing up 5 minutes after the methadone clinic closing…it just doesn’t happen.

Until it does. 

But wait…we’re flying into Vegas. Where better to watch week 1 than Vegas? NOWHERE! Unless you fly in on a Friday and plan to be hiking Bryce Canyon on Sunday. Alas, a week 1 binge is not in the cards, meaning I’ll be “That Guy” on Sunday, hiking through amazing scenery with a beautiful girlfriend while pathetically checking for fantasy updates on his phone ever 37 seconds.

Foundation Point 3: The Tortas

If there’s one thing social media is good for, it’s finding a 24 hour torta house with murderous blinking lights, a cash only policy and no menu for vegetarian travel companions after a long flight to Vegas. Tortas El Rey - I thank you for your generosity and patience at 2 am while we mutually discovered that a blackbean quesadilla is both possible ~and~ up to the standards of a vegetarian. Godspeed dear graveyard shift workers. Godspeed.

Foundation Point 4: The Car

Being that I’m a real ‘Murican and will fight for the rights of every man, I needed something equally as masculine to tour the arid lands of Utah with. No Ford Focus or Toyota Camry would work for the terrible tangle of testosterone…this had to be a car my manly thighs could step up into while sucking down the gas mileage of everyone around them. That’s right, nothing less than a base model Jeep Compass with AM/FM radio, difficulty shifting and something resembling cloth seats would work for this guy. It’s a wonder they ever discontinued an auto that could nearly claim an elite title had it been released during the Nixon presidency.

With those points in mind, I invite you to stalk away over the next few days and place side bets on how long I can manage to post on a regular basis before another multi-year hiatus...