Pre-FAT-taine Runs Again

In what has seemingly become an annual rite of passage, my lovable prick of a brother has decided to update my nickname for all the world to enjoy.

It wasn't enough that on the day I was born my parents blessed me with a name that would soon draw thoughts of sweaters draped over polo shirts while a girlfriend named Muffy or Miffy or Belle watches me play croquet.

Nor was it enough when a middle school friend dubbed me with a nickname, which delicious in sandwiches is not so palatable on the ears ("Cheddar!"). And who can forget the mockery of my alter ego Chaz - the Guitar Hero aficionado of facebook fame.

Apparently those have all gone stale. The roar of "Chaaaazzzzyyyyy" on Christmas morning just wouldn't work for another year. And while a poster of Chady Buckets currently hangs on my living room wall for all to see, that too has apparently gone to the birds.

Instead, my family has decided to revert back to my love (hate?) of running while mocking a long deceased great. It is now guaranteed that at the end of every race, I'll hear the same respone - "How'd you do Pre-FAT-taine?" When I come home with a soaked shirt after a quick 10k there is no doubt in my mind I'll hear "Set any land speed records Pre-FAT-taine?" And soon enough, as I'm slipping on my beloved New Balances, I'm sure to hear "I thought you were a Nike man back in the day, Pre-FAT-taine".

So with that in mind, I give you a picture of the great Pre-FAT-taine:

Me in the Hynes 5 miler - (41:06 and no, it wasn't as cold as it may appear)

And please remember, if you were to ever forget any one of my nicknames, there is an easy way to hear them all. Slip on some Phil Vassar, load a truck with drunken Holmes and Fredrick boys (except for the driver of course), and drive for an hour. It is a 100% guarantee that the subject of every song, whether man, woman, child or beast, will be replaced with cries of "Cheddar", "Chazzy" and "Chady Buckets".

Great Friends Are Hard to Find...

I have recently discovered that there is a risk you take when discussing certain topics with friends. Whether those topics are financial, personal, or just random, things can always take a turn for the worst.

Today the topic of gym trainers came up, and I shared a link with a dear friend of mine. Unfortunately the website that link went to contained an email address for one of my gym's trainers, to which the following email was nearly sent:

Hello <Trainer's Name>,

I have a friend who belongs to your gym and he is in desperate need of physical help. As he is approaching 30, I can't help but feel an emotion of sadness when I gaze upon his body. I have copied Chad in hopes you will confront him at the gym and potentially inspire him to pursue physical activity as you have in your life. I thank you in advance for helping chad become a healthier and better man.

Best wishes

Of course, words were not enough. The following picture was also to be attached to the email:

Now, this dear friend claims that the email was never sent, but I'm completely expecting to be confronted at the gym in the next several days. Here's to hoping for future work outs that are free of awkwardness.

Thievin' from the Fam

Much to my surprise, my dear old mother today let the whole family know that there is another blogger amongst us. It turns out that my cousin Liz has a Yahoo TV blog where she obsesses over the Biggest Loser like I obsess over, well, anything that is on my mind.

As it has become my habit of late to blatently rip off other works of genius and post them on this very blog with less than witty comments, I see no need to exclude family. So please do be enjoying Mr. Liz' workout with trainer Bob.

Are The Biggest Loser Workouts tough? @ Yahoo! Video

And if you're looking for the full article, just click on this little link:
http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/my-own-biggest-loser-moment--85

Damn it feels good...

Most of my family and friends have no idea what I do for work. It's been widely speculated by family members that I either:

1. Work with a covert government agency
2. Fix computers at Best Buy

Unfortunately, my life just isn't as exciting as carrying a gun or wearing the much desired blue polo with khakis. Instead, I'm a consultant. I could go into details, but this video pretty much has it covered:


Please note - the bankers in that video are the douches that helped get us in this housing bust/credit crunch/insolvent banking situation. We, the consultants, are the good guys.

Props to Donner for sending along the link.

Holmes out.

Thank you Freddie Mac, but you've done enough

So the last thing I want to do on this blog is get political or start talking about money. I mean, that's about as exciting as seeing me bend over to pick up a towel in the locker room, although not as disturbing.

That being said, I did want to write a bit about the clusterf*@k that is our economy, specifically the housing situation. I'll not get into details, but I figure I should get this little blurb out:

Freddie Mac - STOP ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO MISS MORTGAGE PAYMENTS!

Now, they may not come right out and say it, but denying a potential refinancer with the feedback being "if the mortgagor becomes delinquent, they should reapply" sends a pretty clear message - commit fraud and we'll help you. Apparently being irresponsible in lending up to this point has not taught them a lesson, so why not keep doing it. Needless to say, some crack downs are needed at the highest levels, as well as some jail time.

And with that I'll step off my soap box. I'll try for a little more entertainment value next time...

-Chad

DOOK SUCKS

Being that last weekend was the beginning of the ACC basketball season, I thought it was prudent to remind everyone of a universal fact:

DOOK SUCKS!

I could go on a 2 page diatribe comparing dookies to three dollar prostitutes with STDs and less than 4 limbs, but it's not worth my effort. Instead, enjoy this classic video (Careful - not safe for work!):



Credit to Peter Rosenberg - one of the worst radio hosts I've ever heard, but creator of one good video.

My Resolutions

Ok, I know I've been out of the loop for a while, but that's what happens when you're traveling to DC to see friends run marathons (great job Tim H!), grinning through weddings (congrats Karla and Ryan), winning dodgeball titles (go Innies and Outies!) and celebrating the holidays (in one case until a certain fiancee of my mother's started Christmas morning filling the toilet bowl from the wrong end).

Anyway, I have been inspired by several Men's Journal articles to create a 12 step resolution plan that should guarantee me some fun, exercise and reason for me to get out of the house. Here we go...

1. Play 18 (poorly) at Sugarloaf
Having tortured my bro, Sterl and the two Tim's through numerous heinous rounds at Pelham International, I figure that it's time for a go on a real course. Sure it's expensive, but it will give me a reason to curse, drink and enjoy the Maine summer air for a weekend.


2. Climb Mt. Washington
Mt. Monadnock is a great climb, but there are only so many times a worthless soccer mom can call you fat on the mountain before you want to find another overly populated climb. Being that Mt. Washington is big, nearby, somewhat famous and easy to find, it will have to do.


3. Pass out in Montreal
I'm starting to realize that big cities are about more than airports and boring museums. What better way to associate with some French Canadians than to drink, gamble and see boobies in their crown jewel of a city? Hopefully I'll have several co-drinkers, co-gamblers and co-boobie gazers to help drag me back to the hotel.


4. Climb Katahdin
While I may have spent 18 years of my life in Maine, they were as an awkward, morbidly obese, socially inept teen. Now that I'm only slightly obese, can fake my way through small talk, have pared down my awkward rate count to about 12 occurrences a day and actually enjoy hiking, I plan to return to my homeland for a day long hike up the large piece of granite.


5. Acadia on Bike
My one previous experience at Acadia was as a 10 year old hocking loogies into the water until a disgusted elderly woman (probably 40 years old or so) got irritated and asked me to stop. I've only heard great things about the park and have seen some amazing photos, so what better way to see as much as possible than on the back of a Holmes powered bicycle?


6. Drive the Kancamagus (during the day)
I've driven the twisting, dipping, moose-laden scenic byway once in my life. At night. During a snowstorm. With one headlight. Yeah, it was a great trip. I figure I should give the world famous road another shot and drive it on a bright, sunny day.


7. Hike the Appalachian Trail
Technically this will be covered by hiking Katahdin and Washington, but I figure I should see a different part of the trail. Maybe I'll spend a long weekend in a nice part of Virginia or experience Tennessee for the first time. Either way, a day or two on the trail should be a nice escape from reality.


8. Ben & Jerry's Factory Tour
Most of the items on this list involve some type of exercise. What better way to offset hours of walking, hiking, biking and running than to tour a factory dedicated to creating a snack of such delicious proportions that I will choose it over a flatulence free evening. For the record, my favorite is Peanut Butter Cup.


9. Kayak Winnipesaukee
The lakes region is crawling with New Hampshire celebrities trying to get away from it all for a week - what better way to spy on them than by kayak? Luckily, my saintly mother bought me a brand new kayak for Christmas (which I promptly used to shatter my windshield). Hopefully I can spy a celeb of Sandler-esque proportions.


10. Play in the Bethel Snow - With Snowshoes
Anyone can go to Sunday River for a weekend and strap on a pair of skis, but few avoid the long lines, screaming children and Massholes by strapping on snowshoes. Fortunately, it is an affordable endeavor that can be followed with scorpion bowls at the Matterhorn.


11. Cooperstown, Yet Again
Cooperstown is about as perfect as a place can get. A picturesque lake, bustling main street, and plenty of good food - there are few places left like it. Of course, the Baseball Hall of Fame helps in the allure, as does the constant stream of childhood heroes which it promises. The brief 4 hour trip from scenic Pelham, NH makes it an easy target for a weekend trip.


12. Run the Beach to Beacon
My running has been cut back quite a bit lately for various reasons. What better way to get back into it than to train for an easy distance (10k) on a great course and the promise of several fellow Skowheganites who are willing to participate. 165lbs, here I come!

So there you have my list. If you're interested in coming along for one (or more) trips, just drop me a line. I'll be sure to update the blog with pictures, stories and poison ivy related updates as the year goes on.

Happy Holidays!

-Chad