The Joys of Online Dating

Having recently re-entered the world of dating (both online and, in theory, face-to-face), I vowed not to take anything too fast or serious. I've also decided that since the odds of periodic rejection are fairly high(which is a fair assumption; reference: "my life"), then I might as well have a little fun with it.

Luckily, it turns out that the combination of a few beers, free online dating sites, and a handful of girls that seem semi-interesting can lead to some surprisingly entertaining quotes. While these may not be of the level of my new goto pick up line ("My mom doesn't want me dating a chick with a big ass, but I think she'll make an exception for you..."), I think they are worth repeating to the 3-4 family members that check this jumble of words on a semi-consistent basis.

I'd like to say that the following were all written in jest, alas that would be slightly more than a white lie. These are 100%, honest to goodness lines, that even upon re-reading, I sent to a hot internet babe in hopes of a quick response. Oddly enough, they haven't been all that successful, as my writing this post and playing Black Ops on a Friday night may attest to...

"I'm really good at...Obscure references, misplaced sarcasm and bringing about general awkwardness"

Upon further review, I guess that a night full of obscure references and sarcastic half jokes about a lady's appearance may not be all that appealing. I guess guys just don't get bonus points for good old honesty like they used to.

"I've been roaming the streets looking for a fight, but haven't had any luck as of late. I'm starting to think I may have to expand my search across the Maine and Mass borders. Where do you usually fight?"

In my defense, this was in response to some chick's stupid super hero joke. Writing "haha, that's funny" is a little too boring for me, so I just decide to take it too far...

"Good choice on the 'God Delusion' - I've been battling with it for the last year off and on. The writing and logic are great, as are Dawkin's conclusions..."

Because first internet 'dates' are supposed to be all about religion and politics, right?

"I have the Glee mix of 'Bust a Move' on my Great Bay half training mix. Top that!"

Typically, I think this one would be a hands down winner. Nothing screams "I'm fabulously stuck in the past" like acknowledging a knowledge, enjoyment and active involvement in the phenomenon that is Glee. Challenging the lovely lady to top such a claim is both an impossible task and somewhat telling statement.

"I've somehow managed to avoid the shift to Python and stuck with Perl as my scripting language of choice."

And the winner...a reference to my preference of an old school scripting language over a young up-and-comer. I actually spent another sentence or two going into more detail, but could not bring myself to copy and paste the shit show of my trying to hit on a hot internet babe of PhD proportions.

2011 Race Training - Playlist All Stars

Having recently pursued nonathletic adventures in urban living, cohabitation and extended confinement in a 4'x8' space, the urge to run a somewhat challenging race crept back into my quickly aging legs. Sure, I'd done a 4 miler or 10k here and there, but my rigorous training schedule for those typically consisted of a few lumbering 5 mile jogs each week and required no attention to pace, eating habits or training plans.

So on a whim, I signed up for an early April half - my first in nearly two years. Luckily, I was able to dig up a few useful resources in planning for this surprisingly hilly course:

• Hal Higdon's Training Guide - Straight forward, easy to understand and targeted towards multiple levels of runners. I prefer a slightly modified version of the Novice plan.
• Google Calendar - To schedule those pesky training runs that good ole' Hal insists on. I find that email reminders of "Run, you fat ass!" can be quite motivating.
• LiveStrong.com - An outstanding site for tracking runs, meals and a variety of other useful tools. It definitely helps reconsider that mid-day mocha or push for one more mile at the end of a long run.

Of course, none of this would be fun without an accompanying playlist - my own personal montage music if you will. Having already dedicated a full post to the brilliance of one Mr. Benjamin Folds and another to previous incarnations of my playlist, I figured a third was in order. The below playlist all stars have a pretty distinctive 60s/70s feel to them, but are definitely worth consideration for any soundtracks that need refreshing:

Songs to Fight Through that First Mile

Cecilia - Simon & Garfunkel

You Don't Mess Around with Jim - Jim Croce

When the Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys

Upbeat Songs to Get Ya Goin'

Freewill/The Spirit of the Radio/Tom Sawyer/Limelight - Rush

25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago

The End - The Beatles

Gotos for Eating Up Long, Shapeless Distance:

Suite: Judy Blue Eyes - Crosby, Stills & Nash

Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf

Jessica - Allman Brothers Band

Obligatory Ben Folds Inclusions

Effington (a cappella version) - Ben Folds

Jackson Cannery - Ben Folds Five

One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces - Ben Folds Five

Quick and Easy Songs to End the Day

America - Simon & Garfunkel

Stuck in the Middle With You - Stealers Wheel

Wonderwall - Oasis

A Recipe to End the Year On

Having spent my previous New Year's Eve in an entertaining but way too healthy manner, I made a pre-2011 resolution to consume as much combined sugar, caffeine and alcohol in one night as my quickly aging body would allow, while still being able to drive to a wedding the following day.

The natural choice for such a challenge was the much ballyhooed Four Loko, which proudly boasts having as much caffeine as a large cup of coffee mixed with up to 12% alcohol and a fruity kick for fun. Alas, in a show of surprising responsibility and potential intelligence, our government quickly banned the product enjoyed by frat boys from coast to coast

Luckily, college age degenerates are plentiful, creative and internet savvy, leading to home brew Four Loko instructions quickly being posted on YouTube:

Unfortunately, I don't keep a regular supply of St. Ides Malt Liquor in my humble abode as the instructions recommend, and typically avoid straight consumption of caffeine pills as they occasionally can cause hearts to stop beating. With those factors in mind, I hit up Walmart and the local liquor store, and after a little experimenting, came up with the following recipe with not quite disappointing results:

Ingredients:

• 2 - 12 oz cans of Monster Lo-Carb Energy drink
• 10 - Jolly Ranchers (The purple/blue combination is recommended although pink/red worked ok as well)
• 32 oz diet sprite
• 12 oz Pomegranate Vodka

Instructions:

1. Dissolve the Jolly Ranchers in the Monster for ~12 hours
2. Mix everything together
3. Drink

The resulting mixtures contained somewhat unnatural hues of reds and greens but goes down as easy as Kool-Aid (this was confirmed with several small children playing outside). While the results of consuming such a brew have yet to occur, and will likely be best left undocumented, it can only be assumed that caffeine + booze = pure awesomeness.

Long Distance Subletting in NYC~or~You're Gonna Get Screwed

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Trattoria Athena: A Semi-Biased Review

Disclaimer: I am friends with Timothy O'Brien, one of Trattoria Athena's co-owners, making this review immediately biased. I'm also obsessively critical, routinely play the role of devil's advocate for fun and have presented the following details in the exact same way I shared with both owners. If you disagree after a visit, I'll gladly teach you how to start your own blog, make friends with restaurant owners and write essays that your parents and loved ones will act like they read so they don't have to hear about it to no end.

Overview: A-
A short 25 minutes from Portland, ME, Trattoria Athena (25 Mill St, Brunswick, ME) serves a reasonably priced mix of Italian and Greek fare. The homey atmosphere is the perfect location for a celebratory dinner or date night.

Atmosphere: A-
Trattoria Athena's dining area is large enough to hold a private conversation, yet small enough for the servers to be attentive and non-intrusive. Barn door table tops, mason jar drinking glasses and comfortably eclectic wall hangings round out an environment that channels an upscale Downeastern feel.

Appetizers: B+
If available, order the Fiori di Zucca Ripieni (lightly fried zucchini blossoms with ricotta and mozzarella - 4 for $10). The ricotta and mozzarella combination is perfectly heated - hot enough to be tender, but not so hot as to be runny. The zucchini blossom makes for an excellent departure from the typically heavy casings of cheese based appetizers.

The bread in the Greek & Italian oil service ($2.50, one Greek oil, one Italian oil) was well worth ordering the on its own. The oils were interesting and worth a try, but I won't object to the rumored plans to rotate through a variety of oils.

Wine: B+
Wine is my biggest weakness in my well honed gluttony, but the wine list is exactly what I desire in a casual, intimate eatery - with options ranging from affordable to nice, yet not obscene. The house red was unoffensive and went down smooth. While the list may occasionally change, I had choices of reds and whites from both Greece and Italy. A glass of the house was a reasonable $4.50, while a bottle of the finest was a justifiable $70.

To add to the atmosphere, wine is served in stemless glasses that tend to make a standard pour look somewhat lacking. Rest assured that this is just an interesting illusion and 2 glasses are plenty to leave most diners in a sufficiently relaxed mood.

Entrees: A
Due to repeated poor experiences, I make it a point to avoid ravioli at all costs. Luckily my date was not so picky and took a chance with one of the specials - goat stuffed ravioli. The kitchen was able to avoid the common mistake of overcooked pasta and under flavored filling hidden in a heavy sauce. Instead, the goat was flavored to be uncommon but tasty and was well complimented by a light sauce. In a land where most restaurant ravioli is comparable to a 4 year old's canned lunch, this handmade pasta is well worth a try.

The Involtino di Pollo (or Chicken "roll" as the menu helpfully guides) is a great combination of breast stuffed with a variety of flavors including feta and sundried tomatoes. The fregula (similar to orzo or couscous in shape) that it was served on was slightly under seasoned but easily fixed with a touch of salt. I would gladly order both entrees again on repeat visits.

Desserts: A+
If the entrees were a concert, the desserts would easily play the first, second and third encores due to popular demand. The dessert raviolis were perfectly fried, filled with a tasty blueberry/sauce combination and topped with more handpicked blueberries. To tie the warm dessert together, a scoop of Greek homemade mint ice cream topped the combination.

As good as the dessert raviolis were, the baklava served with an individual scoop of Greek homemade coffee ice cream was unequaled. One of the co-owners, Marc, was able to avoid the common mistakes of making the baklava too dry or serving it with honey that was too sweet. Instead they were a perfect compliment to one another. Again, the ice cream was able to bring the dish together and make for a delicious treat to end the meal.

Total Price: B
Approximately $70 before tipping the friendly and helpful server. While this isn't a nightly meal, $70 for 3 glasses of wine, 2 appetizers, 2 entrees and 2 desserts all of a quality rarely found north of Boston's North End was more than justifiable. A basic meal for two could easily cost $40 or less.

Affirmation of a Blog Name

While I'd like to believe that my blog name is somewhat original, a quick search shows that multiple others of larger carriage have taken a liking to the "Fat Man Running" theme. Most of these sites focus on a plump gent documenting the journey to their "inner skinny guy" or who has "aspirations of losing weight while completing a marathon". I'd love to report that these blogs often end in great success, but I'd be lying. The Fat Man Running life is a tough one to live for more than a few ambitious months at a time.

Luckily, my Fat Man Running theme is not fly-by-night - I've been a fat runner since I became a man. This, of course, is arguable. My mother will always claim I'm too skinny (she once told me this at 255 lbs while I squeezed into 42" jeans), skilled runners may call my stride more of a waddle (I prefer an awkward gait), and my brothers love to remind me that my manhood is questionable at best.

With such misguided accusations of a healthy BMI, choppy strides and flowing effeminacy, I needed a sign that I was in fact a Fat Man Running. Something that says "this is so unique to your situation that it would bare your name if it were any less common." Something that affirms gender, body composition and activity level with one fell swoop. Something...sexy!

Instead, I got injured. With only 1/2 mile left in the Scotland Run 10k an injury struck me with such force that doctors had to give it the least intimidating name possible so as to avoid panic at its' mere utterance. Yes, I'm talking about plantar fasciitis.

Now don't let fancy Latin sounding names diminish the seriousness of this issue. Plantar fasciitis travels with it's friend - Excruciating Pain - sometimes as high as a 5 or 6 on the pain scale (roughly between a cat scratching your leg and a really bad migraine). Even worse, the main course of treatment is rest - not something that I do well when the sun is shining and races abound.

Luckily there is a golden lining in plantar fasciitis - the affirmation I was desiring (yes - this is what I worry about these days). Something to prove my manhood. My running. My truly being a big fat fatty. Scientific proof that I was a Fat Man Running in the form of common causes of plantar fasciitis:

1. Active men (normally 40-70, but I'll take what I can get)
2. Running
3. Obesity

Some may argue that such proof may bring at least one of my questionable traits under further scrutiny, but I'm just happy that I now have hard evidence to fall upon when discussing my moniker of choice.

Positional Oddities

With Spring Training in full swing, it is safe to say that the doldrums of winter are quickly coming to an end and the world will soon be blessed with sun showers, park bench reading and glorious tank top/short shorts combinations that will render my knees useless.

This also means my transition into all things baseball is quickly underway. MLB.TV will quickly consume 3-6 hours of each night, sporting a Sox hat/iPod/phone on the subway will become a little more dangerous, and most importantly, a group of 12 man boys will argue about trivial baseball nonsense in my DC based APBA league.

Such an argument recently occurred with some interesting results. I'll not go in to details as they are incredibly inconsequential, but the end point was thus: on occasion, MLB players will be plopped in a spot that is completely unexpected. Some examples:

Position Players Often Pitch In Blow Outs

Wade Boggs was known to have a killer knuckleball and showed it off at least twice during his career. Jose Canseco actually required Tommy John surgery after pitching against the Sox in 1998. No less than five players completed this dubious feat in 2009. Needless to say, it's not uncommon but is entertaining.

Position Players Occasionally Get Plopped In A Weird Place

Albert Pujols has played in every non-battery position. Yes - even 2B and SS for a few innings due to a short bench. Three Nights in August also tells a great story of Pujols playing the outfield with a strict rule to never throw the ball due to an elbow injury. This is not a Pujols only category though. Every now and again Sox fans will see Youk roaming the outfield or Buchholz running around like a fool. Again, these aren't totally uncommon, but can lead to a good chuckle.

Pitchers Sometimes Wander Off The Mound

This is where the reading gets interesting and trivial meets trivia. Did you realize that Pedro once played third base? Or that Randy Johnson roamed around left field for a few pitches? Or better yet - you can actually rotate players between the mound and other positions? This article gives some great stories on pitchers playing in positions and situations. Well worth the read if you have 15 spare minutes.

Every Now and Then, The Rules Fly Out The Window

A 1946 Polo Grounds game has become famous for many generations of fans. While the entertainment value is there, the rules were completely disregarded, paving the way for debates over spitballs, sign stealing and steroid use. A full breakdown of the multiple infractions can be found in this lengthy, but very entertaining read.

Needless to say, these examples won't quell the minutiae driven arguments found in any semi-competitive, dice fueled league, but they are great fun to read about and have stored in the back of your head for future trivia.