Days 25-26: What A Long Strange Trip It's Been*

After a couple victorious nights in Kansas City, I realized that I was ready for a return trip home. I was very tired. My car was somehow still running. I wanted to get dressed without having to lay on an air mattress. I'd not passed out, gotten arrested or broken international treaties at any point. Every memory was fond and most of the pictures great. Sure, I'd miss visiting a handful of friends in the greater DC area (big thanks to the Newdorfs for offering housing) and have to skip a couple more national parks, but it was time.

Bright and early on day 25 I jumped out of my tent and began the 22 hour drive from KC to Pelham, NH.

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I was determined to get home as quickly as possible, so sight seeing was kept to a minimum. I did make a couple observations though:

• There is actually stuff east of Kansas City. Between San Fran and KC there were about 12 gas stations total. East of KC there are towns every 15 miles. It was a comforting feeling.
• Traveling East of the Mississippi brings back the adult superstores. They are everywhere. The best are the ones with "Jesus Saves" signs right next to them. I'm not sure if this is a reference to a reborn savior or MLB relief pitcher, but apparently he is good at it one way or another.
• Sonic restaurants do actually exist. The commercials are all over the Northeast, but the restaurants aren't. Northeasterners will be glad to know that the midwest contains the majority of these deliciously greasy dining establishments.
• St. Louis scares me. I only drove through, but it looked kinda like a hole. Everyone I know from there chooses to work somewhere far away for 5 days a week. I'm sure it's a nice place, but the abandoned warehouses and run down buildings convinced me to shoot right through.

After a day and a half of driving with a brief stop in a Syracuse hotel (big thanks to MiaManda for keeping me awake on the phone until I got there), I was finally home. Luckily the drive was uneventful and quick. I figure this is the best place to share a few stats:

• State license plates seen (mostly by Janine): 49 - including a Hawaii one in Alaska. I have no idea how we missed West Virginia.
• Miles driven: 9,732 - plus several hundred more traveled by sea.
• Amount spent on gas: $1,504.92. Compare this to flight and car rental costs and the price of gas doesn't make me want to cry as much.
• States/Provinces Visited: 25. Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Alberta, British Columbia, Alaska, Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri
• Girls convinced to go on a date because they like the blog: 1 (poor thing)
  

So this journey is over. I'm pretty excited to see what kind of trouble I get myself into in the future. I'd like to do another Q&A, so send the questions my way if you have them. I'll leave everyone with a before/after pic to show the effects that such a trip may have on you. Hope you enjoyed.

-Chad

After Vacation--->
<----Before Vacation

*Grateful Dead (duh)

Days 18 and 19: Silicon Valley

I've been lucky enough to have traveled to San Francisco a few times recently, so I've done a lot of the touristy stuff - I've seen the Giants and A's play. I've gone to Fisherman's Wharf, and the Arcade Museum, seen the rolling hills, etc. This time around, I wanted to make it a little different - a true geek's trip to Silicon Valley. Luckily there was plenty of geekdom to go around...

First stop, the Golden Gate Bridge. There is nothing geeky about this, but it is an amazing view. You don't realize how large it is, how orange it is, or how fast cars are moving across it until you walk underneath it. There are great parks on either side that you can walk around and get some good pictures while fighting for position with all the other tourists. Best of all - it's free (minus the $5 toll to go across). Definitely worth the trip.

Next Stop - Peet's Coffee. I'd heard how good the coffee was, and that the prices were a bit more friendly to the change purse. It wasn't until I tried the Dark Chocolate Mocha Freddo that I was in love. The flavor is better. The consistency was more thorough. The people were nicer (if you can believe that) and the internet more free. It was amazing. I went back twice more in the 24 hours since my first visit and was even more impressed each time. I haven't blinked since. This is one of Northern California's hidden gems.

Round 3 - Baseball Indulgence. My friends Dwight and Carol (I hope that they are willing to admit that at least) were nice enough to offer up their spare bedroom. In exchange, I offered my charming company and rugged good looks for their enjoyment, but made them promise no touching. Luckily, they agreed, and we had a grand old time. Outside of some of my family members, I don't know if there is a better couple to watch Baseball Tonight with. Dwight just knows it all - how to play the game, how to watch the game, how to pick up on the little things - it is a great time.

And for any little thing that Dwight might miss, Carol jumps right in to help out. Outside of Boston, there aren't many people that can appreciate Jason Bay going from first to third on a single, but she can - and she can explain why that makes him an upgrade over Manny.

Ready for some hardcore Geekdom??? During this two day span, I took the opportunity to do a little sight seeing off the beaten path. First I hit up the Google and Apple HQs. Not surprisingly, they don't offer tours (there isn't much that is exciting about watching programmers do their thing), but in between I found a gem of unexplainable magnitudes. Of course, I'm talking about the Computer History Museum.

I don't know where to start. There were pictures of Hewlett and Packard. Woz and Jobs. Fred Brooks as a young man. There was an original wooden mouse, gadgets galore, a handful of original Crays, and to top it all off an exhibit of chess simulators and games. Seriously - when I used to get yelled at when I was young, it was not for having nudie magazines, but for having wrinkled, dog-eared tech manuals. Ok, not really, but I am that geeky.


Know what we're missing? A Trailer Park Boys Reference! If you aren't familiar with the Trailer Park Boys and you've ever lived in, on, under or around a trailer, you need to be. The show is genius. Now imagine my delight when I saw a town named Sunnyvale only a few miles south of San Mateo. I was shocked. I was awed. I might have soiled myself a little. Needless to say, I went straight to the courthouse. No Ricky, Bubbles, Julian or Randy, but the picture is priceless in certain circles.


Just one more thing - APBA!!! The whole point of my stop in San Francisco (other than seeing my friends) was to play APBA against those very same friends. There is no doubt that I will dedicate an entire post to this genius of a game, but suffice it to say that it is roughly a mixture of Dungeons and Dragons and Fantasy Baseball. After an 8 game split with Dwight I learned several secrets to managing a winning team. Hopefully I can take his knowledge to aid in my future NVABL domination.

Finally, a couple random notes:

• How awesome is it that Apple's HQ is on a road called "Infinite Loop"? VERY
• I actually told a female about APBA and she didn't scoff. She might just be trying to be nice, but that is the first time it's ever happened.
• Google has a cool parking garage where certain hybrid owners can actually plug in their cars to charge. Pretty neat.
• They also have a service where you can get your oil changed in the parking lot while you work. Right on Daddy-O.
• Finally, I have a handful of confirmed stalkers that actually enjoy the blog. I'm really sorry to disappoint all of you, but I'm a lot cooler in the blog-o-sphere than I am in real life. Prepare for the let down of a life time if you ever meet me - just try not to cry in front of me because then I'll feel bad...
• (One more small thing - I jest. If you read a sentence I've written and think "Awww...that's sad", then you need to improve your reading comprehension. I enjoy self deprecating humor, so that's how I write. Trust me - I'm really a cocky bastard in real life. Or maybe I'm just crying out for attention...)
  

Next stop...The Grand Canyon.

Day 16: Driving Down the 101 (Part 1)

Throughout my recent travels I've started to become a bit of a campground aficionado. Just by hearing the name of the place or seeing a highway sign, I can usually tell if it's worth stopping or not. For example, anything with "RV Park" in the title is a trailer park that has a few extra spots open. Family campgrounds (or "Kampgrounds" - which target either Germans or poorly educated schoolchildren) usually have a pool and arcade. State parks often have pay showers and limited amenities, but are very well maintained.

During these travels I've also noticed that the setting of the sun brings an onslaught of slightly disturbing sounds. These sounds are very distinctive and fall into a couple buckets:

• The fighting couple (as previously seen on COPS)
  
• The drunk 20 something cross country bicyclists
  
• The drunk 50 somethings celebrating the one week each year when they stay up after 9pm
  
• Kids - crying, screaming, making gun sounds, teasing, etc
  
• The over amorous couple

Now, most of those I can tolerate and drown out with my iPod. The over amorous couple is probably the most disturbing since I usually know what they look like, and such hideous beasts should never be allowed to take part in activities that may result in even uglier offspring (except for myself of course).

Luckily, the Emerald Forest campground had four of the five groups and provided the added benefit of situating them in sites immediately adjacent to mine. This resulted in a real life Venn diagram centered around my campsite. Luckily, with a WiFi connection, YouTube and headphones I was able to get to coax myself to sleep.

Up until this point, the day was much better than the combination of screaming children, drunken foreigners and mating mutants (reminding me that, yes, I am still very single) to which I fell asleep.

After a long, dark drive through the hills of Oregon the previous evening, I had ended up at Honeyman State Park, which is in an area known for its' sand dunes. Most people attack these dunes with four wheelers or dirt bike, but I decided to take to the sand by foot. A word of warning - this is probably the most intense workout I've ever had. For every foot and a half that you step forward you slide back a foot and into the sand another 6 inches. This path took me over 20 minutes to create, but only about 30 seconds to go down the other side of the hill.




Of course, such effort usually leads to a great reward. The image of trees springing from the dunes leads to a combination of awe and confusion that images can't capture (but I'll try to show you anyway).

This inspired me to get artsy and stage some candid photos, which I've titled "Contemplation in Yellow". This is part of my "Chad is a Tool" line which will be available at finer drug and convenience stores everywhere in time for Christmas.


After washing the sand from my mouth, hair, shoes, crevices, etc, I hopped in my car for a quick 11 hour drive to Yosemite. Unfortunately, the wildfires there have intensified, and I make it a point not to visit places where there is a decent chance of burning to death. Instead, I altered my course for a rambling 2 day drive down the historic route 101. This is a hair pinned path down the California coast that dwarfs you by redwoods on one side while allowing you to see the ocean 500 feet below you on the other.

Overall - a nice, relaxed day of driving, stopping and picture taking.

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I'm bummed that I missed Yosemite and the hiking that it offers, but Redwood National Park was a great drive with amazing views. Luckily there were plenty of cozy places to pull over and contemplate the day...


Next - Route 101 - Day 2

Day 15: Seattle - Just Wow

Ok, so I'm well aware that the Vancouver posting was a bit verbose (yay me - I remember a 9th grade vocab word!) If you made it to the end, you know that I was kind of meh on Vancouver as a place to visit for a day, but still liked the city. Consider this your warning for this post - Seattle is AWESOME. If Seattle were a stripper, her name would be Ginger, it would be her first night and every dollar would get you a dance and a beer. Yeah, Seattle was like that, but better and without the clear plastic stilettos.

(Disclaimer: The above statements are all based on hear say. I've never experienced such an outing and think it is awful. This is especially true if you are a future potential date stalking me - I think such places are disgusting and degrading. If you do see Ginger though, tell her I said hi.)

I just don't know where to start on this one, so I'll take it step by step as written in my little journal (it's pink with a lock, unicorn stickers and a feather pen if you must know).

Starbucks

I know their coffee is sub par, their revenue is down and holding their cups are the ultimate sign of being a pretentious prick, but I still love them. Add to the fact that their new promotion gives out free internet access and drink add-ons just for buying a gift card and I'm sold. They are everywhere in Seattle and had me grinning like a fool in love due to my 20 hour caffeine high.

Boeing

Boeing was founded in the Pacific Northwest and has a huge manufacturing plant just north of Seattle in Everett. This plant offers the Future of Flight Aviation Center and Tour where you are taken to the actual factory to see planes being assembled - including the new Dreamliner. I couldn't talk - I was that dumbfounded. At this point, I thought the tour was the best $15 I'd ever spent in my life. I was wrong...

Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame

What do you do if you co-found one of the world's most successful companies ever and have a few hundred million dollars to play around with? If you're Paul Allen you commission Frank Gehry to build a kick ass building then throw up an unbelievable collection of guitars, verbal histories, videos, hands on displays and an outstanding Jimi Hendrix exhibit.

Still not enough? Relocate the Science Fiction Hall of Fame to an annex you have just sitting there. Fill it with memorabilia that would make any geek, nerd, dweeb or dork wet their pants like it was freshman year in college all over again and you have an instant tourist attraction. Seeing the original model of the Death Star, a Storm Trooper's uniform and a full robot exhibit made me want to cry with both pride and shame.

This double gem was my newest best $15 ever spent, but the day was not over...

Pike Place Market

What can I say - it's a kick ass market.

The seafood is fresh and HUGE!

The meals are yummy and cheap!
The street entertainment was great. You try not to tip two guys playing 867-5309/Jenny on a guitar and accordion. I was cracking up.

Safeco Field

By the time I got to Safeco Field, I was a happy man. The tour guide could have started the tour with a "Kick Chad in the Crotch" contest and it wouldn't have ruined my day. Luckily, Bob the tour guide was not that kind of man. Bob is the kind of man that knows his baseball. He loves baseball. He lives baseball. You have a question - Mariners related or otherwise, Bob knows the answer. Add that kind of knowledge to the fact that the tour covered the following areas, and I had to restrain myself from hugging him at the end:

• The Mariners Suite (Where ownership sits for each game)
  
• Press Box
  
• Visitor's Dugout
  
• Both dugouts
• Media Room
  
• The Diamond club where really rich season ticket holders eat (It had amazingly huge and clear pictures of Ty Cobb, Ruth and Gehrig fishing and Ruth pitching as a member of the Sox).
  All this for only $8? I'm still in awe.
  
  

This was by far the best day of the trip yet. Seattle was amazing. Just unreal. I'm having a hard time not posting 300 more pics...

The night was spent in Jessie M. Honeymoon Memorial State Park in Oregon after a few too many hours of driving, and a couple irritatingly dropped cell calls.

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Wildfires are unfortunately close to Yosemite, so the next leg is still being figured out. Details to come...

Day 14: Ewoks, Olympics and Customs Searches

I'll be the first to admit I'm more than a bit of an oddity - it's very difficult to put me in any one bucket. This was readily apparent while I was in college - I was as smart as the Computer guys, but played basketball, so that didn't group didn't fit. Unfortunately, I was pretty damn bad at basketball, so I didn't fit with those guys either. I wasn't a drinker, so no frats for me, but I'm not religious or retarded, so no church or young republican groups either. I ended up settling with a pretty unique group of friends who have gone on to become slum lords, consultants, auditors, and in the best career change ever, a programmer turned folk-rock cellist.

I've also had a difficult time finding towns that feed my many interests and odd ball desires. The greater Boston area is giving it a good go, but I figured that it wouldn't hurt to check out the west coast in the second leg of this journey. My first stop: Vancouver!

I was lucky enough to approach the city of Vancouver from Vancouver island, which is a brief 2 hour ferry ride away. The approach is an amazing array of treed hills and exposed rocks jutting from the water. The city definitely has beauty on it's side, as well as free health care in exchange for 50% of your annual income and your American citizenship.

During ride from Nanimo to Horseshoe Bay I was able to read up on Vancouver by way of the conveniently provided flyers placed every other yard throughout the ship. While I didn't have time to kayak or hike, I did have half a day to check out some of the attractions.

Stop 1 - The Capilano Suspension Bridge

Honestly, you tell a 12 year old that there is a 450 foot long suspension bridge that sways as you walk and you'll have a kid sprinting to terrify tourists. You tell a 28 year old "man" the same thing, and the fat bastard will jump in his car, run down a few Germans as a warm up and have the time of his life.

Of course, what good would such an attraction be without a little surprise (other than the $30 entry fee)? Usually you get a free picture, or a key chain. Not here - they go all out. They provide a freakin' Ewok-esque tree top village to walk through.

I was honestly expecting a dozen Ewoks to sprint out and hand me a light saber, followed by a team of Wookies to give me back up against the dark side. As is life, such dreams rarely come true, and that was definitely the case here. Luckily I was in good spirits and left a very happy man.


Stop 2 - Downtown
The first thing you notice about Vancouver is how active the city is. Every road has a bike and jogging lane. There are various forms of exercise equipment in, on or around nearly every car you see. The streets aren't filled with large walking eggplants, but instead with people that make you want to say "Yeah, he must work out".

The city itself is quite nice. There are numerous intellectual buildings (museums, libraries, etc) that I quickly walked past, although the Art Gallery had an interesting looking anime/comic/video game display that was not open when I sauntered by.


There are also a ton of displays for the upcoming 2010 Olympics.

The buildings themselves were unusual - they looked like normal skyscrapers, but are much shorter. It is as if concrete were poured over the first 50 floors of an entire city, leaving the exposed top 10-20 floors for use. It's not a bad look, just unexpected.

Stop 3 - Homeward Bound
While living in such a city must be nice, I must still return to my country of origin for weather over 60 degrees. Luckily, the border patrol is a mere hour drive south of the city. I've only been to Canada once before this trip, so I'm not familiar with driving check points. I was kind of expecting a warm reception - something along the lines of "You're back! Great to have you! How was Canada?" to spring from the mouth of an overly welcoming agent. This was certainly not the case.

As you may know, appearances are sometimes used to identify threats to our country. If you are going to cross an American border anytime soon, I would recommend avoiding:

• 3 weeks of facial hair that doesn't quite grow as it should
  
• Smelling like someone who has not washed for 3 days
  
• Red, baggy eyes, greeeeesy (NSFW) hair, bad breath
  
• A license plate held in place by a 4 inch bolt screwed into a 2 inch hole
  
• 7 years worth of red bull, granola bars and water in your back seat
  
• Maps, tour guides and directions for nearly every conceivable path across the United States
  

Once the 10 minutes of questioning and 15 minutes of searching my car for narcotics was complete, I was free to go on my way.

All in all, Vancouver wasn't bad. Not the most exciting day trip, but definitely a nice place to live or visit for a long weekend.

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Next stop Seattle...

Day 9: Bears, Fat Kids and Pepperoni Sticks

As you may have noticed, this little vacation I am taking involves a lot of driving. We have already eliminated one day earlier in the trip so we could hike the Badlands. We decided to do the same today in order to have a day off before I have three days of straight ferry riding.

The morning started at 5 am Mountain Time in Jasper, Alberta and ended about 13 hours and nearly 700 miles later in Prince Rupert, BC.

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On a trip of this magnitude, you find a lot of things to keep you busy. After exhausting my iPod play lists (especially James Taylor, Ben Folds, Barenaked Ladies and Jimmy Buffet) and many of my pod casts (This American Life, Car Talk and The Junkies), I decided to start jotting down some of my observations for your enjoyment:

Convenience Stores

These things go by a variety of names - Gas Stations, C-Stores, Kum-N-Go (yes, really) and offer even more services. Where else can you eat 3 day old hot dogs, buy flavored, colored condoms (and the pills that help get the job done) in a bathroom, get 2 jumbo kit kats for $1.19, and of course, work with wonderful people and pepperoni sticks?

Unless there is some kind of candy, processed meat and erection related products emporium, I think the Convenience Stores have this market cornered.

Bears

I know, I hit on it yesterday, but when you leave a campground one morning with this being the last thing you see, then you can over-write about it too.

And without bears, I never would have been able to utter this statement to my bro: "I will sleep with your girlfriend so bears don't eat the dog." Yes, it was entirely innocent and there was logic behind it, but I'll let you guess on what that logic may be.

Drive Throughs

I'd say this could only happen in America, but it was actually in British Columbia. The picture does more justice than I ever could with words.

I was as giddy as a fat kid at a breakfast buffet when I got this pic.

Tomorrow is a slacker day where my brother and I will be supporting the local Indian Casino while exploring Prince Rupert. Then off to Ketchikan and Metlakatla on Thursday.

Day 8: Help Me Colbert - You're My Only Hope*

There aren't a lot of things that can throw me for a complete loop. Must stuff I can take in stride and you'd never even notice me flinch - mostly thanks to the demands of consulting which have transformed my nerves from goo to steel (or at least aluminium, as the Canucks say). Every now and then though, someone will utter a semi-coherent thought that totally surprises me or freaks me out. Off the top of my head, here are a few that I have heard lately:

• (In a loud whisper)"You're card is being denied"
• "There is increased bear activity in the campground."
• "Don't let the dog out since it will attract bears."
• "Don't wear deodorant, use toothpaste, apply cosmetics or breath, since it will attract bears"
• "Did I mention the bears in this campground?"
• "No, our wireless is not working"

As you can guess, a few of those perked my ears and made me clench my sphincter. Luckily the card was just being protected by my bank, and the bears have yet to eat me as of this writing. The final comment was just a horrible thought though. No internet! For a whole day! And no cell service to check my email!? I nearly cried - I'm man enough to admit it. I think a tear or two may have slipped out.

Luckily, a 10 hour drive landed us in Jasper, Alberta, Canada - which the local website assures me is a "gateway to some of the most majestic, pristine and accessible wilderness Canada has to offer".

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As my travel companions and I explored the tourist trap that was main street, I saw my salvation - an internet cafe offering affordable rates and a power outlet. I quickly plopped my rotund rump in a well worn chair and got my high speed fix. All was good in the world.

And it is from this internet cafe that I now write to you - my dozens of loyal readers who seem to take enjoyment in the stew that is my brain. You will all be glad to know that the trip continues and we are aiming for Prince Rupert, BC tomorrow (one day early to take a much needed break from driving).

And what would a post be without pictures:

Some more ridiculously bluish-green water.


The water with its' friend, Mr. Mountain


Big Blue driving towards Big Mountain


That Guy


Beware of humping bears???


Q&A appears to be a popular subject, so send in those questions (trip related, or otherwise). I'll be posting some more answers soon (including a discussion of my grooming habits - Watch Out!).


*You should get at least one of these two geek references. Bonus points for both.

Day 7: Glacier!

Glacier National Park - All I can say is WOW. Up until two months ago, this peaceful gem wasn't even a blip on my radar. Now it tops my list of places to visit again - leaving Yellowstone, Vegas, Paris and Munich (as a drinker this time) in the proverbial dust.


Oh, Glacier, why do I love thee more than Harp when Liquid A or The Zoo are playing? Let me count the ways.

Emerald Water

At first you don't believe it. Then you accept that it may actually be true. Finally you venture down a rocky path to look, touch and feel the water. It is perfectly transparent with a green/blue tint that no image can truly capture.

Cascading Mountains

One Mountain isn't enough you say? Not even two? How about dozens? It is almost as if a large chunk of frozen water sliced large sections from between the mountain tops, leaving unlimited hiking opportunities with waterfalls, ice caps and various greenery and wildlife in every direction.

Myriad Adventures

Want to blow up a piece of rubber and shoot down the river towards jagged rocks? Rafting is for you. Maybe you want a little more control in a long, narrow fiberglass body? Grab a kayak. Wanna bike? You got it. Jump in 14 passenger tour car? Not my thing, but go for it. Of course, my favorite is hiking. And hike we did. With a view like this at the top, how can you not feel the desire?

The Unknown

The best part of this park is you never know what you'll run in to. We saw black bear and deer, a half burnt forrest and a mountain top weather tower. The best two surprises? One - the lack of obnoxious tourists. Most were calm, quiet and left the animals alone. Two - A hiking log book from over two years ago. Give people a pen, paper and one blank page and they get creative.

I really hope Dylan and Kelly had as much fun as they planned on.

And now a little Q&A for my faithful readers:

1. The Saab. It's a beast. No, it's not going to get the ladies like a Beemer would (I don't really like the snobby, high maintenance, bitchy type anyway). Yes, it has its' quirks, dings and scratches. But guess what. It runs, it goes fast enough, it's getting 30 miles per gallon and it is paid for. I can't ask for much more.


2. The Skirts. Believe it or not, I'm just not trying that hard. There is too much to see, do and experience to have to worry about impressing someone else that I will never talk to again. Maybe that's the point, but any lady I can coerce into the sack in a matter of hours probably has bigger issues than I really want to risk dealing with. So no fist bumps have been shared at this point (If you don't know the story, buy me two beers and I'll spill the beans - it's a good one).

3. The Changing of Plans. Yup, I'm already off my schedule. In this whole trip I have two places I MUST be - on a ferry next Thursday and back to work in mid August. Other than that, it's about kicking back, doing what I want and discovering a country I've seen very little of. I don't think I've stressed once in over a week and am going to try to keep the streak going. If I miss a Sox game or a walk around Seattle, so be it. I'm sure whatever else I end up doing is a lot more fun.

4. The Locks. They're not quite flowing, but are well on the way. The tops of my ears are slowly being covered and my widow's peak is long enough to warrant pushing to one side or another. I haven't shaved in 10 days, so a little stubble is finally showing through. While I can't promise a 70s porn mustache any time soon, I'm well on my way to a crazy mad scientist look by the time I get home.

Keep those comments coming. I'll try to keep the writing entertaining.

Off to Jasper, British Columbia tomorrow....