Day 13: Part 1 - The Wait List

So I'm finally off the boats after nearly 3 full days of travel and did not manage to change clothes or take a shower in that time. I know, yummy.

Luckily, such a stretch is full of entertainment to share. So without further ado, here is part 1 of my journey back to the mainland:

Imagine this scene, if you will. You've just stumbled off a ferry on which you slept in an uneasy 220 pound ball for most of the night. You're going on day 3 of the same pants and sweatshirt (although your Superman underoos are clean). You are on a race against time to catch the next boat where your name teeters on the top of the stand-by list.

You sprint in to a room full of haggard strangers looking as miserable as the pre-dawn hour will allow. And they're all staring. This is not a funny stare, like "Uh-oh, Chad's on beer #5. He's gonna break out that primal form of defense he calls dancing. Someone please get him a shot so he can't stand up." And it's not a pathetic stare you receive from a classroom of peers when called upon in the middle of a day dream. No, this is a hateful stare. One that can only mean that "Mr. Holmes" has been paged numerous times, to the point where they rue the name.

In symphony, three people ask if you, are in fact, Mr. Holmes. The one on the wait list? With a car to bring aboard? The stares grow more hateful. A cold breeze has filled the room, making you think that Lord Voldemort may in fact be real. What is the best way to handle this? Well, if you're me, you throw on a huge, stubble surrounded smile, put your right hand in the air and greet one and all with a big "Howdy everybody, that's me".

And it worked. Apparently, everyone loves a smart ass at 5am. People laughed. Even the biggest curmudgeons (aka BC Ferries ticket agents) cracked a smile. Maybe it's my boyish good looks, maybe it's the gap filled smile, or maybe a little friendliness (even in semi-mockery) is contagious.

So as my 3 days of ferry travel come to an end, and my driving adventures return to their rambling nature, do me a favor. Throw on a smile. Compliment someone. Smile at that cutie in the hall and make eye contact. Maybe even send some naked pictures to someone that would enjoy them. Meanwhile, I'm gonna try and get in some trouble that you guys can enjoy.

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And as always, here are some photos and a map for your enjoyment.

The smaller carbon-based beings tucked in Big Blue


I figure touring a former whore house might turn my luck with the ladies around. Check out the flowers - they are old silk condoms. Yeah, I'm sure those worked great.

A view of the Ketchikan's Creek Street

Up next - Part 2 - I Just Want to Sleep...!

Day 11: A Day on the Boats

Alright, so here's the deal. I rode two ferries for over 8 hours today. Before the comments are overridden with questions pulled directly from the gutter, let me give a few answers:

• No, I'm not sore
  
• In fact, I did enter from the rear of the ship, and somewhat towards the bottom
  
• The motion of the ocean didn't do much for me, but the size of one of the ships was quite impressive

If those answers don't satiate you're appetite for poorly veiled homoerotic references, feel free to ask away. Just try to keep the questions original. Comments like "Ha! Ferry - you're gay! Where ya going next, a gay strip club with gay naked gay dudes dancing gayly?" are boring, horribly unoriginal and are the grammatical equivalent of my typical first (and usually only) date with soon to be former members of FGOCs.

The first 3 hours of today's itinerary consisted of Big Blue being loaded to the hilt and waiting in line to board the boat while I sat in the lobby preparing for a big day of, well, more sitting.

Once we were all aboard, we were off on a 6 hour journey from Prince Rupert, AB to Ketchikan, AK. There were some amazing views along this journey including:

My brother and his girlfriend posing in front of Ketchikan, AK

A cruse ship being crushed, "Kids in the Hall" Style

Snow capped mountains overlooking ocean front homes

And my brother posing with what appears to be a homeless man

After a quick turnaround, we jumped right on a ferry to Metlakatla, AK - the new home to two of the best teachers that Maine has to offer and their pet Moose.

After an hour long jaunt around Annette Island, we finally tracked down some lodging the cleverly named "Tuck 'Em Inn"

Amazingly enough, the accommodations were as cozy as the name would have you believe. The furniture was comfortable, the tv large and the internet slow. All in all, I couldn't complain.

I'm also happy to give two-tid bits that would fall in the miscellaneous category (because everything else is so logical and well laid out):

1. Disappearances by Howard Frank Mosher is a great read. I was turned on to Mosher by his book Waiting for Teddy Williams which is even better and a must read for New England baseball fans (not about that Ted Williams though).
   
2. My brain-to-mouth filter is starting to fail again. Driving around a very small island sarcastically yelling "There's another good trailer for ya" with the windows down is not smooth. Telling someone that you hardly know over the phone that you are finally wearing clean underwear again after a trip to the laundromat is just plain stupid.

Off tomorrow to help everyone find a place to live, then lots more time on the boats. I wonder how people will react to an unshaven, disheveled man watching Superbad on his MacBook. Please send bail money if you don't hear from me soon...

Day 9: Bears, Fat Kids and Pepperoni Sticks

As you may have noticed, this little vacation I am taking involves a lot of driving. We have already eliminated one day earlier in the trip so we could hike the Badlands. We decided to do the same today in order to have a day off before I have three days of straight ferry riding.

The morning started at 5 am Mountain Time in Jasper, Alberta and ended about 13 hours and nearly 700 miles later in Prince Rupert, BC.

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On a trip of this magnitude, you find a lot of things to keep you busy. After exhausting my iPod play lists (especially James Taylor, Ben Folds, Barenaked Ladies and Jimmy Buffet) and many of my pod casts (This American Life, Car Talk and The Junkies), I decided to start jotting down some of my observations for your enjoyment:

Convenience Stores

These things go by a variety of names - Gas Stations, C-Stores, Kum-N-Go (yes, really) and offer even more services. Where else can you eat 3 day old hot dogs, buy flavored, colored condoms (and the pills that help get the job done) in a bathroom, get 2 jumbo kit kats for $1.19, and of course, work with wonderful people and pepperoni sticks?

Unless there is some kind of candy, processed meat and erection related products emporium, I think the Convenience Stores have this market cornered.

Bears

I know, I hit on it yesterday, but when you leave a campground one morning with this being the last thing you see, then you can over-write about it too.

And without bears, I never would have been able to utter this statement to my bro: "I will sleep with your girlfriend so bears don't eat the dog." Yes, it was entirely innocent and there was logic behind it, but I'll let you guess on what that logic may be.

Drive Throughs

I'd say this could only happen in America, but it was actually in British Columbia. The picture does more justice than I ever could with words.

I was as giddy as a fat kid at a breakfast buffet when I got this pic.

Tomorrow is a slacker day where my brother and I will be supporting the local Indian Casino while exploring Prince Rupert. Then off to Ketchikan and Metlakatla on Thursday.

Leg 2: Salmon, Coffee and Sushi. America's Left Coast

Ah, the quarter life crisis, a great excuse for middle class, previously spoiled brats to say "Screw it all, I'm outta here!". Do coal miners run into this? Probably not. What can I say? I bitch about life, but I have it pretty well.

This next part of my Tour de North America will let me explore Ketchikan, the "Salmon Capital of the World", ride on several ferries (big boats, not big queens), support a down and out coffee house, gobble down some ebi, and try not to succumb to the allure of the high paying, relaxed pace of west coast life.

Most importantly, I'm going to explore the territory around Vancouver and Seattle. I have spent full weeks of my life trying to conquer these hills in Railroad Tycoon II and screaming "WTF! How is there no gradient in these hills less than an 8?" It's about time I appreciate the real versions of these island riddled lands.

	Date	Start Location	End Location	Miles	Time	Notes
Days 12-13	Friday, July 25 - Saturday, July 26	Metlakatla, AK	Port Hardy, BC	430	~1 day	A great voyage through the British Columbia Inside Passage
Day 14	Sunday, July 27	Port Hardy, BC	Vancouver, BC	289	7:13	A nighttime drive across Vancouver Island
Day 15	Monday, July 28	Vancouver, BC	Seattle, WA	141	2:32	If you don't hear from me for a while, check here or here
Day 16	Tuesday, July 29	Seattle, WA	Oregon Sand Dunes	346	5:56	Ahhh...a night in the dunes. Other than a crack full of sand, can it get much better than this?
Day 17	Wednesday, July 30	Oregon Sand Dunes	Yosemite National Park	658	11:34	Yeah, I'm a little psyched bout this one
Day 18	Thursday, July 31	Yosemite National Park	Yosemite National Park	0	0:00	Hiking Day!!!
Day 19	Friday, August 1	Yosemite National Park	San Mateo, CA	183	3:47	Catching up with my west coast geek baseball buddies
Day 20	Saturday, August 2	San Mateo	San Mateo	0	0:00	APBAPalooza!!!
Day 21	Sunday, August 3	San Mateo, CA	Grand Canyon National Park	787	11:54

All in all, just under 3,000 miles on this leg with a good chunk of those on ferries. Luckily the views are supposed to be great and I'll be able to catch up on some Zzzzzs.

Up Next: Hiking, Highways and Home

Leg 1: Coast to Coast the Saab Way

While I've been trying to convince myself that a 10,000 mile jaunt can in fact be a laid back, relaxed, worry free venture, this may not entirely be the case. Between a bevy of pink, alcohol infused beverages this past weekend, my travel mates for leg 1 of this sure to be epic tail pulled me aside and got me to start doing some planning.

I've come up with a rough, 10 day outline that will get us from Skowhegan, ME, the home of Margaret Chase Smith, The Skowhegan State Fair and Guitar Hero Legend Chaz Holmes (no relation) to Metlakatla, AK, the home of...I'll get back to you on that one.

Here's a little breakdown of this part of the journey. Don't stop believing that it will be a blast. (See what I did there with the Journey reference. Yeah, I'm good.)

	Date	Start Location	End Location	Miles	Time	Notes
Day 0	Sunday, July 13	Skowhegan, ME	Pelham, NH	186	3:20
Day 1	Monday, July 14	Pelham, NH	Brockton, NY	516	8:38
Day 2	Tuesday, July 15	Brockton, NY	Portage, IN	449	7:33	Lunch at Notre Dame
Day 3	Wednesday, July 16	Portage, IN	Martin County, MN	504	8:32	There is literally NO reason to stop in Martin, except that we must sleep at some point. Sorry to the good folks of Martin (both of you) for my bluntness
Day 4	Thursday, July 17	Martin, MN	Badlands National Park, SD	392	6:19	Major National Park #1 AND Mt. Rushmore!
Day 5	Friday, July 18	Badlands National Park, SD	Yellowstone National Park, WY	590	11:14	I am trembling with anticipation for this stop. I think I just peed a little.
Day 6	Saturday, July 19	Yellowstone	Yellowstone	0	0	Hiking Day!!!
Day 7	Sunday, July 20	Yellowstone	Glacier National Park, MN	431	9:56
Day 8	Monday, July 21	Glacier National Park	Jasper, Alberta	440	9:54	This drive will go directly through Banff National Park of Canada. Starting to notice the theme yet?
Day 9/10	Tues/Wed, July 22/23	Jasper, Alberta	Prince Rupert, BC	679	13:09	Lots of mountains, moose and Canadians. Which pose the greatest threats?
Day 11	Thursday, July 24	Prince Rupert, BC	Metlakatla, AK	???	???	Ferry travel between the Southern Alaskan Islands

Total miles for this leg? Just short of 4,200. No, it is not the quickest route, but the views will be better than a spring day on the Chapel Hill quad.

Up next, "Leg 2: Salmon, Coffee and Sushi. America's Left Coast"

An Investor, A Writer and Some Ball Players Walk Into a Blog

Have you ever noticed how unbelievably tiny Alaska makes the rest of the United States seem? I'll be traveling with Scotty, Janine and Moose to an island off Ketchikan named Metlakatla. That is still over 1,000 miles south of Anchorage - the "real" part of Alaska people think of. Seward's Folly my ass - that man knew a good deal when he saw one. So much land, oil, opportunity and protection from the Commies - definitely the steal of that century.

My amazement with Alaska is inversely proportional to my interest in the Mid West. I know that Bill Bryson has a huge soft spot in his heart for Iowa and Warren Buffet loves his Omaha home base, but I can honestly find nothing that interests me.

Take a look at the glorious locations I'm planning to stop on this journey:


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Notice that HUGE hole in the middle with no blue markers? Yeah, that is the Mid West. Seriously, I've searched for things to do, and this is what I've come up with:

• Go to a Cardinal's Game


• Go to a Royal's Game

That's it. And one of those options isn't really all that appealing. I'd rather pay $4 to go to a Lowell Spinner's game than watch the Royals throw like Johnny Damon and hit like Jason Kendall. Maybe I'll just zoom across that 1,200 mile void where life ceases to exist after 8pm (9pm on Saturdays!) in a day and a half so I can focus more on the beautiful areas within a day's drive of an ocean.

Other than that huge hole, I think I have a pretty good route planned. Of course it will change, but that is one of the great benefits of Google Maps. Routes can be changed on a whim simply and quickly. 5 years ago we were stuck with the horrible interfaces, bad directions and awful color schemes provided by MapQuest and Yahoo! Maps. Now we have Google Maps with a slick interface, lots of add-ons (like personal maps, drag-and-drop driving directions, easy zoom, etc) and a great open API that anyone with a good idea and some decent programming chops can use to make a mash-up (check out housingmaps and gmap-pedometer if you never have).

Gone bye are the days of TripTicks from AAA, 4 different color hi-liters and a hand full of paper cuts. Welcome to the new Millennium where all I need is a MacBook with Google Earth and an internet connection (thanks Panera!). That's it. Fire it up, zoom on in and get directions. Brilliant!