Monday, July 28, 2008

Day 13: Part 1 - The Wait List

So I'm finally off the boats after nearly 3 full days of travel and did not manage to change clothes or take a shower in that time. I know, yummy.

Luckily, such a stretch is full of entertainment to share. So without further ado, here is part 1 of my journey back to the mainland:

Imagine this scene, if you will. You've just stumbled off a ferry on which you slept in an uneasy 220 pound ball for most of the night. You're going on day 3 of the same pants and sweatshirt (although your Superman underoos are clean). You are on a race against time to catch the next boat where your name teeters on the top of the stand-by list.

You sprint in to a room full of haggard strangers looking as miserable as the pre-dawn hour will allow. And they're all staring. This is not a funny stare, like "Uh-oh, Chad's on beer #5. He's gonna break out that primal form of defense he calls dancing. Someone please get him a shot so he can't stand up." And it's not a pathetic stare you receive from a classroom of peers when called upon in the middle of a day dream. No, this is a hateful stare. One that can only mean that "Mr. Holmes" has been paged numerous times, to the point where they rue the name.

In symphony, three people ask if you, are in fact, Mr. Holmes. The one on the wait list? With a car to bring aboard? The stares grow more hateful. A cold breeze has filled the room, making you think that Lord Voldemort may in fact be real. What is the best way to handle this? Well, if you're me, you throw on a huge, stubble surrounded smile, put your right hand in the air and greet one and all with a big "Howdy everybody, that's me".

And it worked. Apparently, everyone loves a smart ass at 5am. People laughed. Even the biggest curmudgeons (aka BC Ferries ticket agents) cracked a smile. Maybe it's my boyish good looks, maybe it's the gap filled smile, or maybe a little friendliness (even in semi-mockery) is contagious.

So as my 3 days of ferry travel come to an end, and my driving adventures return to their rambling nature, do me a favor. Throw on a smile. Compliment someone. Smile at that cutie in the hall and make eye contact. Maybe even send some naked pictures to someone that would enjoy them. Meanwhile, I'm gonna try and get in some trouble that you guys can enjoy.

View Larger Map

And as always, here are some photos and a map for your enjoyment.

The smaller carbon-based beings tucked in Big Blue


I figure touring a former whore house might turn my luck with the ladies around. Check out the flowers - they are old silk condoms. Yeah, I'm sure those worked great.

A view of the Ketchikan's Creek Street

Up next - Part 2 - I Just Want to Sleep...!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

:P you know where i work. no winking at cuties here!!

i'm glad you survived ferry sleeping though. that can be traumatic. and stinky.

Unknown said...

Hi Fat Man Humping Bears,
We hope you're traveling is continuing to go well!
You're not going to believe what is sitting in the driveway NEXT DOOR to the Tuck 'Em Inn where we stayed... yes, you guessed it: a little red car with a HAWAII license plate. Not even kidding. I am going to cheat and say if you see any West Virginia plates, the hunt is over, because I certainly don't think I'll be seeing one around here anytime soon. My luck isn't that good. Anyway, I just had to share that little tidbit with ya!
We are still homeless as we await the end of renovations on our little studio we've decided to rent. But for now we are no longer living in the school, they've put us up at the principal's place until he gets here. Yay!
We miss you!

Anonymous said...

(That comment above is from Janine, not Scott.) Eventually I will figure this thing out.