Day 12: Top 10 Revelations

Timothy Austin from Portland, ME writes: "So I love a good Top 10 List every now and again...". What Timmy wants, Timmy gets, so here are the top 10 revelations that have occurred to me in the first leg of this trip.

1. Blogging is time consuming...

When I first thought of writing this blog, I assumed I'd just sit down and type out whatever is in my head. I did this a couple times without publishing it, and realized a few things:

• I have no idea how I'm a productive member of society. My neurons only seem to fire in the computer, math, boobies and sports section of my brain (not in that order). For the record, I'm only good with at most two of those subjects.
  
• My grammar is horrible. Speaking to me is like putting together a verbal jigsaw puzzle. Oooh - a simple noun/verb pairing, that might be the start of a sentence! Rewriting these thoughts so they are coherent takes a little more time than I expected.
  
• I now feel the burden of being a celebrity (this is sarcasm, not assholedness). Upwards of 40 people read the blog each day, probably more since the folks at SSF haven't conquered the art of sharing URLs and are content to print out the blog each day. I can't let my myriad fans be disappointed, so I'm trying to keep it at least a little entertaining.

2. ...But worth it

If I have to listen to one more person say how much fun Space Mountain is, or talk of the grandeur of the Cathedral of Notre Dame like they helped build it, or that the Mona Lisa was a disappointment, I might just puke. You're on vacation people, live it up. Would you rather have a journal that says
"Went to Disney today, rode the rides, nearly peed myself, had fun"
or one that says:
"Disney rocked today. Between rides I slapped Cinderella's ass, stole a fry from a fat kid, snuck into the employee only area and got a picture of me licking Pluto's face."
The blog forces me to record the memorable stuff and skip the obvious. Well worth it.

3. I am spoiled (Sorry, this one is a little serious)

I've met a ton of people over the last few days that made me realize how lucky I am. I'm young, healthy, usually the hottest person waking up in my bed each morning and make a decent living. Most importantly, I rediscovered friends and family after a few years of loving "stuff" too much. I've met a lot more people in cars packed with bags, animals and friends that are having a great time than those rolling around in spacious RVs towing Hummers (and often screaming children).

4. State/Country lines mean very little to a traveler

Every time I've crossed a state line, or even into Canada, I expected to feel different. Maybe a different smell in the air, or hear a different accent. At one point I even said, "Wow, that guys sounds like he has a Minnesotan accent even though we are 10 miles into South Dakota." The only thing these imaginary lines mean is that the sales tax is going to change, and usually the legal age of consent will too. Ultimately, they just don't mean a whole lot to travelers.

5. America is big

Seriously - in a matter of a week I saw 2 oceans, a couple great lakes, rolling hills, endless pine forests, jagged mountains, deserts and glacial ice sheets. The temperature has ranged from near freezing in British Columbia to nearly 100 in South Dakota. I've seen real cowboys, bison, whales and dolphins. And not once did I have to enter an airplane. All of that one the same continuous piece of land is amazing.

6. Long road trips are best taken with someone you can tell to "F*** Off"

I never would have made it through the first leg of this trip if I had to be polite and PC with everything I did. Sometimes things get frustrating and you need to be able to speak freely, even if you're wrong. If you're traveling with a stuck up ass-hat that loves to hold a grudge, you'll end up getting way too stressed (Seriously - TRUST ME on this one, I have a little experience here). Sometimes a good verbal slap fight is all you need to liven up a day.

7. You can sleep cheap

It's amazing how much money you can save if you drop $200 on camping equipment. I think the most expensive night for 3 people so far has been $40. KOAs in general are great - they have great showers, tolerable staff, skim the pool for turds daily and usually provide decent internet access. State parks have also been big winners so far.

8. You can travel cheap, if you have time and can defend yourself

I know, there is a huge gas crisis in our country, but I have still only spent about $500 to go 4,000+ miles. A flight for that distance runs in the $800 range. Greyhound would be even cheaper, but you'll have to deal with the people that ride greyhound - good luck. Even sleeping can be cheap if you don't mind the stained floor of a bus terminal. Believe me, sometimes sleeping with homeless people can be quite comfortable (especially if you've drank more than they have).

9. TV is overrated - but I'll still end up watching too much of it

It is amazing what you can do with the time in your life if you're not watching TV. I've completed 1 book, and am almost done with another. I've written a ton of blogs (the quality of which is still to be determined). And best of all, I've seen some amazing sites that few get to. Guess what though - I return in a little over two weeks and will fall right back into the same routine. Work all day, go for a jog or hit the gym, crash in front of the tv and skim eHarmony with limited luck. I don't like it, but it's what I do.

And if you dislike commercials now, go two weeks without seeing them and rewatch them. They are insane. Cell phone commercials with families going to nude beaches. Brendan Fraser still acting. Ads for the Seahawks season. Who really wants to watch that crap?

10. Ethanol kills gas mileage

I tried filling up on 10% ethanol gas a few times since it was cheaper. There was a reason - it dropped my gas mileage by 10-20% but only lowered the price by 2.5%. You might as well water down my fuel at that point. Maybe the flex cars are great, but I don't have one and probably won't soon, so warn dummies like me first.

And in honor of Scotty and Janine, who I just left in Metlakatla a few hours ago, let me introduce everyone to "Chaz Hands". This new form of celebration is saved for the most special of occasions when my alter ego breaks out and gets excited. Chaz hands must be experienced to truly be appreciated, but resemble "Jazz Hands" or "Happy Fingers". I believe Janine coined the term, but I very well could be wrong.

So to the two of you (and Moose) - it was a great trip and I had a blast. You're gonna rock Alaska's socks off.