Days 25-26: What A Long Strange Trip It's Been*

After a couple victorious nights in Kansas City, I realized that I was ready for a return trip home. I was very tired. My car was somehow still running. I wanted to get dressed without having to lay on an air mattress. I'd not passed out, gotten arrested or broken international treaties at any point. Every memory was fond and most of the pictures great. Sure, I'd miss visiting a handful of friends in the greater DC area (big thanks to the Newdorfs for offering housing) and have to skip a couple more national parks, but it was time.

Bright and early on day 25 I jumped out of my tent and began the 22 hour drive from KC to Pelham, NH.

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I was determined to get home as quickly as possible, so sight seeing was kept to a minimum. I did make a couple observations though:

• There is actually stuff east of Kansas City. Between San Fran and KC there were about 12 gas stations total. East of KC there are towns every 15 miles. It was a comforting feeling.
• Traveling East of the Mississippi brings back the adult superstores. They are everywhere. The best are the ones with "Jesus Saves" signs right next to them. I'm not sure if this is a reference to a reborn savior or MLB relief pitcher, but apparently he is good at it one way or another.
• Sonic restaurants do actually exist. The commercials are all over the Northeast, but the restaurants aren't. Northeasterners will be glad to know that the midwest contains the majority of these deliciously greasy dining establishments.
• St. Louis scares me. I only drove through, but it looked kinda like a hole. Everyone I know from there chooses to work somewhere far away for 5 days a week. I'm sure it's a nice place, but the abandoned warehouses and run down buildings convinced me to shoot right through.

After a day and a half of driving with a brief stop in a Syracuse hotel (big thanks to MiaManda for keeping me awake on the phone until I got there), I was finally home. Luckily the drive was uneventful and quick. I figure this is the best place to share a few stats:

• State license plates seen (mostly by Janine): 49 - including a Hawaii one in Alaska. I have no idea how we missed West Virginia.
• Miles driven: 9,732 - plus several hundred more traveled by sea.
• Amount spent on gas: $1,504.92. Compare this to flight and car rental costs and the price of gas doesn't make me want to cry as much.
• States/Provinces Visited: 25. Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Alberta, British Columbia, Alaska, Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri
• Girls convinced to go on a date because they like the blog: 1 (poor thing)
  

So this journey is over. I'm pretty excited to see what kind of trouble I get myself into in the future. I'd like to do another Q&A, so send the questions my way if you have them. I'll leave everyone with a before/after pic to show the effects that such a trip may have on you. Hope you enjoyed.

-Chad

After Vacation--->
<----Before Vacation

*Grateful Dead (duh)

Day 15: Seattle - Just Wow

Ok, so I'm well aware that the Vancouver posting was a bit verbose (yay me - I remember a 9th grade vocab word!) If you made it to the end, you know that I was kind of meh on Vancouver as a place to visit for a day, but still liked the city. Consider this your warning for this post - Seattle is AWESOME. If Seattle were a stripper, her name would be Ginger, it would be her first night and every dollar would get you a dance and a beer. Yeah, Seattle was like that, but better and without the clear plastic stilettos.

(Disclaimer: The above statements are all based on hear say. I've never experienced such an outing and think it is awful. This is especially true if you are a future potential date stalking me - I think such places are disgusting and degrading. If you do see Ginger though, tell her I said hi.)

I just don't know where to start on this one, so I'll take it step by step as written in my little journal (it's pink with a lock, unicorn stickers and a feather pen if you must know).

Starbucks

I know their coffee is sub par, their revenue is down and holding their cups are the ultimate sign of being a pretentious prick, but I still love them. Add to the fact that their new promotion gives out free internet access and drink add-ons just for buying a gift card and I'm sold. They are everywhere in Seattle and had me grinning like a fool in love due to my 20 hour caffeine high.

Boeing

Boeing was founded in the Pacific Northwest and has a huge manufacturing plant just north of Seattle in Everett. This plant offers the Future of Flight Aviation Center and Tour where you are taken to the actual factory to see planes being assembled - including the new Dreamliner. I couldn't talk - I was that dumbfounded. At this point, I thought the tour was the best $15 I'd ever spent in my life. I was wrong...

Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame

What do you do if you co-found one of the world's most successful companies ever and have a few hundred million dollars to play around with? If you're Paul Allen you commission Frank Gehry to build a kick ass building then throw up an unbelievable collection of guitars, verbal histories, videos, hands on displays and an outstanding Jimi Hendrix exhibit.

Still not enough? Relocate the Science Fiction Hall of Fame to an annex you have just sitting there. Fill it with memorabilia that would make any geek, nerd, dweeb or dork wet their pants like it was freshman year in college all over again and you have an instant tourist attraction. Seeing the original model of the Death Star, a Storm Trooper's uniform and a full robot exhibit made me want to cry with both pride and shame.

This double gem was my newest best $15 ever spent, but the day was not over...

Pike Place Market

What can I say - it's a kick ass market.

The seafood is fresh and HUGE!

The meals are yummy and cheap!
The street entertainment was great. You try not to tip two guys playing 867-5309/Jenny on a guitar and accordion. I was cracking up.

Safeco Field

By the time I got to Safeco Field, I was a happy man. The tour guide could have started the tour with a "Kick Chad in the Crotch" contest and it wouldn't have ruined my day. Luckily, Bob the tour guide was not that kind of man. Bob is the kind of man that knows his baseball. He loves baseball. He lives baseball. You have a question - Mariners related or otherwise, Bob knows the answer. Add that kind of knowledge to the fact that the tour covered the following areas, and I had to restrain myself from hugging him at the end:

• The Mariners Suite (Where ownership sits for each game)
  
• Press Box
  
• Visitor's Dugout
  
• Both dugouts
• Media Room
  
• The Diamond club where really rich season ticket holders eat (It had amazingly huge and clear pictures of Ty Cobb, Ruth and Gehrig fishing and Ruth pitching as a member of the Sox).
  All this for only $8? I'm still in awe.
  
  

This was by far the best day of the trip yet. Seattle was amazing. Just unreal. I'm having a hard time not posting 300 more pics...

The night was spent in Jessie M. Honeymoon Memorial State Park in Oregon after a few too many hours of driving, and a couple irritatingly dropped cell calls.

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Wildfires are unfortunately close to Yosemite, so the next leg is still being figured out. Details to come...

Day 12: Top 10 Revelations

Timothy Austin from Portland, ME writes: "So I love a good Top 10 List every now and again...". What Timmy wants, Timmy gets, so here are the top 10 revelations that have occurred to me in the first leg of this trip.

1. Blogging is time consuming...

When I first thought of writing this blog, I assumed I'd just sit down and type out whatever is in my head. I did this a couple times without publishing it, and realized a few things:

• I have no idea how I'm a productive member of society. My neurons only seem to fire in the computer, math, boobies and sports section of my brain (not in that order). For the record, I'm only good with at most two of those subjects.
  
• My grammar is horrible. Speaking to me is like putting together a verbal jigsaw puzzle. Oooh - a simple noun/verb pairing, that might be the start of a sentence! Rewriting these thoughts so they are coherent takes a little more time than I expected.
  
• I now feel the burden of being a celebrity (this is sarcasm, not assholedness). Upwards of 40 people read the blog each day, probably more since the folks at SSF haven't conquered the art of sharing URLs and are content to print out the blog each day. I can't let my myriad fans be disappointed, so I'm trying to keep it at least a little entertaining.

2. ...But worth it

If I have to listen to one more person say how much fun Space Mountain is, or talk of the grandeur of the Cathedral of Notre Dame like they helped build it, or that the Mona Lisa was a disappointment, I might just puke. You're on vacation people, live it up. Would you rather have a journal that says
"Went to Disney today, rode the rides, nearly peed myself, had fun"
or one that says:
"Disney rocked today. Between rides I slapped Cinderella's ass, stole a fry from a fat kid, snuck into the employee only area and got a picture of me licking Pluto's face."
The blog forces me to record the memorable stuff and skip the obvious. Well worth it.

3. I am spoiled (Sorry, this one is a little serious)

I've met a ton of people over the last few days that made me realize how lucky I am. I'm young, healthy, usually the hottest person waking up in my bed each morning and make a decent living. Most importantly, I rediscovered friends and family after a few years of loving "stuff" too much. I've met a lot more people in cars packed with bags, animals and friends that are having a great time than those rolling around in spacious RVs towing Hummers (and often screaming children).

4. State/Country lines mean very little to a traveler

Every time I've crossed a state line, or even into Canada, I expected to feel different. Maybe a different smell in the air, or hear a different accent. At one point I even said, "Wow, that guys sounds like he has a Minnesotan accent even though we are 10 miles into South Dakota." The only thing these imaginary lines mean is that the sales tax is going to change, and usually the legal age of consent will too. Ultimately, they just don't mean a whole lot to travelers.

5. America is big

Seriously - in a matter of a week I saw 2 oceans, a couple great lakes, rolling hills, endless pine forests, jagged mountains, deserts and glacial ice sheets. The temperature has ranged from near freezing in British Columbia to nearly 100 in South Dakota. I've seen real cowboys, bison, whales and dolphins. And not once did I have to enter an airplane. All of that one the same continuous piece of land is amazing.

6. Long road trips are best taken with someone you can tell to "F*** Off"

I never would have made it through the first leg of this trip if I had to be polite and PC with everything I did. Sometimes things get frustrating and you need to be able to speak freely, even if you're wrong. If you're traveling with a stuck up ass-hat that loves to hold a grudge, you'll end up getting way too stressed (Seriously - TRUST ME on this one, I have a little experience here). Sometimes a good verbal slap fight is all you need to liven up a day.

7. You can sleep cheap

It's amazing how much money you can save if you drop $200 on camping equipment. I think the most expensive night for 3 people so far has been $40. KOAs in general are great - they have great showers, tolerable staff, skim the pool for turds daily and usually provide decent internet access. State parks have also been big winners so far.

8. You can travel cheap, if you have time and can defend yourself

I know, there is a huge gas crisis in our country, but I have still only spent about $500 to go 4,000+ miles. A flight for that distance runs in the $800 range. Greyhound would be even cheaper, but you'll have to deal with the people that ride greyhound - good luck. Even sleeping can be cheap if you don't mind the stained floor of a bus terminal. Believe me, sometimes sleeping with homeless people can be quite comfortable (especially if you've drank more than they have).

9. TV is overrated - but I'll still end up watching too much of it

It is amazing what you can do with the time in your life if you're not watching TV. I've completed 1 book, and am almost done with another. I've written a ton of blogs (the quality of which is still to be determined). And best of all, I've seen some amazing sites that few get to. Guess what though - I return in a little over two weeks and will fall right back into the same routine. Work all day, go for a jog or hit the gym, crash in front of the tv and skim eHarmony with limited luck. I don't like it, but it's what I do.

And if you dislike commercials now, go two weeks without seeing them and rewatch them. They are insane. Cell phone commercials with families going to nude beaches. Brendan Fraser still acting. Ads for the Seahawks season. Who really wants to watch that crap?

10. Ethanol kills gas mileage

I tried filling up on 10% ethanol gas a few times since it was cheaper. There was a reason - it dropped my gas mileage by 10-20% but only lowered the price by 2.5%. You might as well water down my fuel at that point. Maybe the flex cars are great, but I don't have one and probably won't soon, so warn dummies like me first.

And in honor of Scotty and Janine, who I just left in Metlakatla a few hours ago, let me introduce everyone to "Chaz Hands". This new form of celebration is saved for the most special of occasions when my alter ego breaks out and gets excited. Chaz hands must be experienced to truly be appreciated, but resemble "Jazz Hands" or "Happy Fingers". I believe Janine coined the term, but I very well could be wrong.

So to the two of you (and Moose) - it was a great trip and I had a blast. You're gonna rock Alaska's socks off.

Day 9: Bears, Fat Kids and Pepperoni Sticks

As you may have noticed, this little vacation I am taking involves a lot of driving. We have already eliminated one day earlier in the trip so we could hike the Badlands. We decided to do the same today in order to have a day off before I have three days of straight ferry riding.

The morning started at 5 am Mountain Time in Jasper, Alberta and ended about 13 hours and nearly 700 miles later in Prince Rupert, BC.

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On a trip of this magnitude, you find a lot of things to keep you busy. After exhausting my iPod play lists (especially James Taylor, Ben Folds, Barenaked Ladies and Jimmy Buffet) and many of my pod casts (This American Life, Car Talk and The Junkies), I decided to start jotting down some of my observations for your enjoyment:

Convenience Stores

These things go by a variety of names - Gas Stations, C-Stores, Kum-N-Go (yes, really) and offer even more services. Where else can you eat 3 day old hot dogs, buy flavored, colored condoms (and the pills that help get the job done) in a bathroom, get 2 jumbo kit kats for $1.19, and of course, work with wonderful people and pepperoni sticks?

Unless there is some kind of candy, processed meat and erection related products emporium, I think the Convenience Stores have this market cornered.

Bears

I know, I hit on it yesterday, but when you leave a campground one morning with this being the last thing you see, then you can over-write about it too.

And without bears, I never would have been able to utter this statement to my bro: "I will sleep with your girlfriend so bears don't eat the dog." Yes, it was entirely innocent and there was logic behind it, but I'll let you guess on what that logic may be.

Drive Throughs

I'd say this could only happen in America, but it was actually in British Columbia. The picture does more justice than I ever could with words.

I was as giddy as a fat kid at a breakfast buffet when I got this pic.

Tomorrow is a slacker day where my brother and I will be supporting the local Indian Casino while exploring Prince Rupert. Then off to Ketchikan and Metlakatla on Thursday.

Day 8: Help Me Colbert - You're My Only Hope*

There aren't a lot of things that can throw me for a complete loop. Must stuff I can take in stride and you'd never even notice me flinch - mostly thanks to the demands of consulting which have transformed my nerves from goo to steel (or at least aluminium, as the Canucks say). Every now and then though, someone will utter a semi-coherent thought that totally surprises me or freaks me out. Off the top of my head, here are a few that I have heard lately:

• (In a loud whisper)"You're card is being denied"
• "There is increased bear activity in the campground."
• "Don't let the dog out since it will attract bears."
• "Don't wear deodorant, use toothpaste, apply cosmetics or breath, since it will attract bears"
• "Did I mention the bears in this campground?"
• "No, our wireless is not working"

As you can guess, a few of those perked my ears and made me clench my sphincter. Luckily the card was just being protected by my bank, and the bears have yet to eat me as of this writing. The final comment was just a horrible thought though. No internet! For a whole day! And no cell service to check my email!? I nearly cried - I'm man enough to admit it. I think a tear or two may have slipped out.

Luckily, a 10 hour drive landed us in Jasper, Alberta, Canada - which the local website assures me is a "gateway to some of the most majestic, pristine and accessible wilderness Canada has to offer".

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As my travel companions and I explored the tourist trap that was main street, I saw my salvation - an internet cafe offering affordable rates and a power outlet. I quickly plopped my rotund rump in a well worn chair and got my high speed fix. All was good in the world.

And it is from this internet cafe that I now write to you - my dozens of loyal readers who seem to take enjoyment in the stew that is my brain. You will all be glad to know that the trip continues and we are aiming for Prince Rupert, BC tomorrow (one day early to take a much needed break from driving).

And what would a post be without pictures:

Some more ridiculously bluish-green water.


The water with its' friend, Mr. Mountain


Big Blue driving towards Big Mountain


That Guy


Beware of humping bears???


Q&A appears to be a popular subject, so send in those questions (trip related, or otherwise). I'll be posting some more answers soon (including a discussion of my grooming habits - Watch Out!).


*You should get at least one of these two geek references. Bonus points for both.

Day 6: Yellowstone!

There aren't a whole lot of things that I regret in this life - if you've spoken with me for more than 5 minutes, then you probably know exactly what they are. (Side note - I've found 4.5 minutes is about the length I can talk to ladies on the phone before I get nervous and make some excuse to hang up. I think it's some weird defense mechanism to protect them from early exposure to my uniqueness). Of those things I do regret, I've made up for a lot of them over the last year and a half.

Unfortunately I have to report the regret of a lifetime in this posting. On the trip from Livingston, MT (just north of Yellowstone) to West Glacier, MT (home of Glacier National Park) we passed through a town named Butte.

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Now Butte, as most of us know, is pronounced "Bute" with a long 'u'. Of course, my brother and I have the combined maturity of a 13 year old, so his girlfriend had the joy of listening to butt jokes for well over 100 miles until we reached this tract of single level homes and run down strip malls.

One thing we didn't realize was that there is a big rig weigh station in the town of Butte. And at this station there is a sign. A very large, very yellow sign. And that sign clearly states the purpose of the weigh station in the simplest possible terms: "BUTTE SCALE". If there was ever a picture that needed to be taken, this was it. Who could resist staring at two ghostly Irish arses situated upon an aptly named Butte Scale? Unfortunately, we were slow on the shutter and unable to break in time. I fear that I will take this one to the grave, for there are very few Buttes in this world. Some day, if I am truly lucky, I will arrive at Crested Butte, CO after a long hike or bike ride. Only then will I be able to whip out my camera, snap a photo at the most unusual of angles and be able to finally die a peaceful death.

Of course, a glorious day can be made despite the disappointment of a lifetime. Today was the day to visit Yellowstone.


While we had to cancel all hikes (including day 2 which will now be spent hiking Glacier, also without Moose) due to the pet unfriendliness of the park (apparently bears like to eat dogs), we still enjoyed a nice 2 hour, relatively tourist free drive through the northwest corner.


This is only a tiny portion of a gigantic park that I will have to visit at a later date. Be warned FGOCs (Future Gals of Chad), one of you will probably be dragged along on the trip. Feel free to fight amongst yourselves for this pleasure and let me know who the lucky lady is. A single elimination jello wrestling tournament is preferred, but mud or baby oil can be used if lime jello is unavailable.

And what would this posting be without some random shots of the day. Enjoy.

Brotherly Love


Alaska's Newest Teachers


Someone Knew We Were Coming


The Lead Driver and Navigator of Leg 1



Hiking Glacier tomorrow...

Day 5: "God Made Us Number One Because He Loves Us The Best, Well He Should Go Bless Someone Else For A While, Give Us A Rest"*

America is a great country. It really is. I know we have a screwed up political system where it is impossible to make changes, too much poverty and way too many self centered jerks (Refer to "Virgina, Northern" or "Holmes, Chad circa 1999-2006" for proof), but overall, the pros far outweigh the cons. One of the biggest reasons I think this is because any dumbass can make a very good life for themselves with a lot of hard work, the occasional break and an ability to play by the rules.

There are numerous examples of this: The Flat Earth Society, anyone who thinks they are better than someone else based on race (Everyone knows that God puts the better people in America and race has nothing to do with it), and the three stories I would like to share today. They all take place on the lovely 584 mile jaunt from the Badlands KOA to the Livingston, MT KOA.


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Tale 1: The Lonely Vacationer

What do you get when you combine a solo vacationer, dirt "on ramps", 75mph speed limits and some level of idiocy? If you guessed "A jerk driving down a one way interstate TOWARDS you at full speed", then you are a winner. This one doesn't need much explaining, but it was worth mentioning. I don't know whose eyes were bigger, mine or his as I frantically flashed my headlights and waved while narrowly avoiding a real life movie remake.

Illogical Religious Arguments

I attempt to show the minimum religious devotion needed to get Christmas presents each year. This apparently involves giving gifts the previous year, so I should be good for this December. I do have a few friends who I enjoy discussing religion with since they are open minded and can agree to disagree on issues.

This is not one of those cases. I actually listened to an interview for over 20 minutes in which the interviewee stated that contraception should not be used, even if you are to sin and have pre-marital sex. The reason for this? Because the rhythm method is 100% effective if practiced correctly by collecting the female's mucus, internal body temperature and a number of other factors first thing each morning. Yup - that's right. God wants you to poke, prod and pry your lucky lady with medical equipment before poking, prodding and prying her with your own equipment. How romantic.

The Educated Geniuses

Let's say you have an early morning wake up call from thunder and lightning (not my left and right biceps, the natural phenomena). It is pouring and you have a long journey ahead of you. What do you do? If you said "Pack up as quick as possible and get the hell out of Dodge", then you've never met a Holmes. Nope, the correct answer was "Jump in your cars, drive up the muddiest path to the highest hill you can and watch while talking on Walkie Talkies". That's right - three bachelor's degrees, one master's and a handful of common sense and we still attempted to be the highest points in a 5 square mile area just to get a good view. What can I say - if you know me, you're probably not surprised. If you don't, welcome into my mind.

And since the stories weren't as exciting as usual, please enjoy some pictures of the Montana horizon:

The view from the Livingston, MT KOA


Moose


Cows and Mountains


The road


Off to Old Faithful tomorrow followed by a drive to Glacier. Lots of changes in the schedule - details to come...

*Ben Folds

Day 3: Badlands!

Alright, I was gonna complain about some be-atch at the campground in this blog entry, but these pictures are too great to let me be cranky:


These are all of Badlands National Park in South Dakota. Let me point out that these pics don't do the Badlands justice. It is amazing - my combination of an untrained eye with a simple digital camera couldn't grab how truly awesome it actually is.

First thing tomorrow morning, my bro and I will be hitting it up for a 6.6 mile hike that will require avoidance of rattlesnakes. If you read about 2 men found huddled together and, dead from dehydration due to crying in the Badlands wilderness, feel free to assume that it is the two of us.

Now for a quick run down of the day:

Rollin', Rollin' Rollin'

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521 miles, roughly 7 hours (I LOVE 75 mph Speed Limits)

My Bro's First Sonic Experience

There is a reason that we are all a bit portly. My bros and I love our food.

Windmills/Windfarms throughout Minnesota

I still don't understand why there aren't more of these nation wide. I really think the birds will fly around them and they actually look kind of cool on the horizon.

NPR

NPR is everywhere out here. I have no problem finding a new station once one gets out of range. On top of that, the local shows are actually pretty good. No babbling Diane Rehm to listen to.

Adult Superstores

They are spaced at convenient intervals. Now, I've not found the need to pick up a 12 pack of wild west themed DVDs or novelty gifts for this journey, but I know if I ever need to, they can be found roughly every 100 miles along highway 90.

So despite lots of driving for the third straight day, a PITA owner at the local campground (it rhymes with 'Lad Bands A-OK'*) and smelling like a Motel 8 after an RNC convention, it turned out to be a decent day after all. Hiking and relaxing tomorrow. Yellowstone in 2 days!

*This could also be the motto of MTV program directors in the late 90s/early 00s.

Day 2: Catholic School Girls (this should get my hit count up!)

There is nothing quite like a red bull in the morning. Except maybe 2. Used to chase a latte. A really big latte. After a 4 mile run. And so was the start of Day 2. Despite the long Day 1 and a warm night in the tents, we were back on the road towards Alaska. (Side note: A friend pointed out that green tea is much healthier. I agree, but you try to stock green tea in a cooler meant for beer. Not easy.)


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An hour into the drive, we passed the Hall of Fame that you only thought couldn't exist. That's right - the Recreational Vehicle and Manufactured Housing Hall of Fame. Now, I may have an active imagination, but not even I could make this up. This is an actual 80,000 square foot space dedicated to celebrating "Affordable Housing". I just don't know what else to say - the site says it all.

Just down the road from that gem was South Bend, IN. The home of the College Football Hall of Fame. While I was unaware of this, it did not surprise me all that much. Of course, this was skipped due to time constraints in order to focus on a brief tour of the Notre Dame Campus.


All I can say is "Wow". An absolutely amazing campus. It is clean, the buildings are big and impressive, the history is well known. More importantly, the girls are old enough, repressed enough, smart enough and Catholic enough to make college a lot of fun. I would say that I will be sending my first born son here, but as my brother pointed out, that requires a mate to breed with, and, well, most of us know how that is going (maybe romantic thoughts like that are helping to hold me back...)



After a hair raising 2 hour stop on the Chicago "Express Highway" in which we traveled a total of 20 miles we zoomed west towards the KOA in Rochester, MN. If you are ever in need of such lodging in this beautiful area, I highly recommend the KOA. It has a pool, foosball table, clean bathrooms and WiFi. That's right - the same things that impress a 12 year old impress me. Add boobies to that previous sentence and I think you have it all.

All in all, a stressful, but productive day. 623 total miles in right around 11 hours despite the troubles in Chicago. The extra driving has paid off - we have already knocked a day from the trip which we are using to hike in the Badlands (where we are driving tomorrow). Mmmmmmm...

A couple side notes:
1. I am driving the Saab solo. My bro, his girlfriend and their dog are in the FJCruiser and leading the way. We communicate by walkie talkie to avoid dead spots in the cell coverage. Walkie Talkies are awesome ("Roger that", "ten-four", "over and out", "big dog" and "breaker breaker one nine" have been uttered roughly 723 times in two days.)

2. I know my HTML - I was just lazy. I'll try to remember to make the links pop up in new windows from now on. On that note - HTML is NOT A PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE - it is simply a markup language. If you ever speak with or interview someone who says "I program in HTML" punch them. Hard.

3. Feel free to leave comments - anonymous or otherwise. I'll try to respond to any requests. Also, feel free to share the blog with anyone who might enjoy it. I get quite a kick out of the life I lead, so I might as well share that with others.

Day 1: Miles and Milestones

My inability to stick to the simplest plans absolutely blows my mind. We're gonna meet for dinner and a drink? Nah, I've decided to stay home and play PS2 instead. I'm gonna train for a 5k? Might as well make it a 10 miler. We should start off easy and only drive 500 miles? Pa-shaw and screw that. We're doing 700+. And so was the first day. With the big blue monster filled to the hilt and the saab not far behind, the first real day of the journey was underway. 725 miles, and 12 hours later (not to mention 4 hours after our original destination) we finally reached East Harbor State Park on the Ohio section of Lake Erie.

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"How", you may ask, "are you blogging if you are in state park?". Well, it has come to the attention of many state park agencies (including Maine and Ohio) that people don't go camping to actually camp. They go camping so they can drag all their worldy possessions to a location where no on can contact them on a cell phone. They then set up their DVD players, tvs, microwaves and MacBooks to enjoy the luxuries of home with ringing phones exchanged for mosquito bites. Needless to say, said MacBooks MUST have a WiFi connection to be fully effective, so the state parks have met the demands of the people. I am not completely happy about this, so I am frowning while taking advantage of the WiFi. That'll show them.

Anyway - not a whole lot of sites were seen today. As my brother pointed out, "New York State is freakin' huge" - about 400 miles east to west to be exact. This span is home to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, Boxing Hall of Fame in Canastota, Women's Rights National Park in Seneca Falls and Niagara Falls all within a few hours drive of each other. Not a bad stretch of history, but we had places to be and miles to drive, so they all were skipped for this leg.

The real excitement came towards the end of the short Pennsylvania stretch of Day 1 as my trusty Saab hit 100,000 miles! Nearly 70,000 of these miles have been driven by me. And despite one new turbo thanks to a botched oil change, leather seats ripped form my brother's car and numerous new tires and brake pads, this dark blue beauty still seems to be running well.

Two last notes - 1. I drove through Sandusky, OH today. That's right - the home of the fictional Callahan Auto Parts. Just awesome. 2. Northern Ohio is GREAT when it comes to water parks. Why? Because they are all HUGE and indoors. But not completely indoors, as the below photo can attest. No, the slides actually go outside than back in. Yeah, that is some cool stuff.


Anyway - a rather bland post today. Notre Dame and driving through Chicago tomorrow. And if you don't own walkie talkies, go buy them now. They are AWESOME...

Day 0*: Tears and Beers

Bloating. Cramps. Gas. Some people may blame this on "The Change" (Hi Mom!). Or maybe bad shrimp. Or maybe you went to your brother's going away party at Red Robin.

A word of advice - if you're going to have a four course meal, don't do it at this outstanding establishment. When the waitress asks if you want Onion Rings, don't reply "Please, we want 2 orders!". When you have the chance to order a burger topped with bacon, eggs and guacamole, pass it up. When the waitress comes back and says "Our desserts usually feed 3-4 people", believe her. Pretty much, be anti American if you visit this most American of eateries.

And while you're at it, don't have those 3 extra beers once you get home. Or the Root beer Schnapps. I could go into detail, but sometimes a picture does more justice than words ever could:

Needless to say, the start of Day 0 did not see yours truly feeling like a million bucks. Luckily, a long, cleansing run with my mom, followed by a double-d breakfast provided by her way too patient fiancee put me right back into the swing of things. After some packing of cars, obligatory photos, hugs, handshakes and tears, we were finally on the road.

Unfortunately, so was every Mass-hole, spoiled Rhode Island trust fund baby (sorry ICH - you know it's true), and speedo clad OOB patron. Despite the challenges brought on by such people who should never be allowed to enter the beautiful state of Maine (or NH or VT for that matter), we were able to make it to our first stop with no major problems (other than a couple stops for adjustments of a couple bike and cargo straps).

All in all, a very good Day 0. Up bright and early for Day 1 tomorrow - New York State, here we come!


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*If you are unsure why I start counting at 0, ask your favorite Computer Scientist.

Leg 3: Hiking, Highways and Home

Homecoming. A joyous occasion for 90% of high school students. On no other evening can you guarantee pep rallies, bonfires, furry mascots and the loss of virginity (in the classiest of towns, this can all happen simultaneously). While I don't expect all of these in the final leg of my trek, a boy can hope for at least one or two.

This leg of my journey will see me leaving the West Coast hospitality of Robert and Dwight for unknown adventures in the storied west. National parks will be crossed off my list, ballparks will be visited, and the Midwest will have the chance to show that it has more to offer the world then some great beef and a few super consultants.

(Editor's note: Please don't confuse Robert and Dwight for "Robert and Dwight". They both have very nice and attractive female companions. It gives me a lot of hope, because if those two can be so lucky, then I might have a chance too!).

And just as it looks like the last visit has been made, the last trail hiked and the last tank filled, I will visit one of the most perfect towns ever created (even if the fame is unwarranted).

So without further adieu, my final itinerary of the journey...

	Date	Start Location	End Location	Miles	Time	Notes
Day 22	Monday, August 4	Grand Canyon National Park	Zion National Park	254	4:51	A morning hike followed by an afternoon drive. I may need these to help me contain my excitement.
Day 23	Tuesday, August 5	Zion National Park	Denver, CO	634	9:17	Another morning hike and afternoon drive through Bryce Canyon. I might even stop and visit one of the few Dookies (NSFW!) I actually like.
Day 24	Wednesday, August 6	Denver, CO	Kansas City, MO	603	8:45	Batting practice for the Sox in KC.
Day 25	Thursday, August 7	Kansas City, Mo	Knoxville, TN	732	11:13	Might have to get some friends of the road to keep me awake.
Day 26	Friday, August 8	Knoxville, TN	Shenandoah National Park	371	5:56	Drive through Great Smokey Mountains National Park.
Day 27	Saturday, August 9	Shenandoah National Park	Cooperstown, NY	442	7:23	Baseball HOF!!!
Day 28	Sunday, August 10	Cooperstown, NY	Pelham, NH	257	4:32	Home Sweet Home
Day 29	Monday, August 11	Boo	Hoo	0	0:00	Crying as I boot up my machine for the fist time in 28 days

3,300 dusty miles for the finale.

10,500 total miles @ 25mpg = 420 gallons of gas. You can do the math from there.

So those are the plans. Can I stick to them? Will I run out of money? Luck? Patience? Check back for updates, pictures and stories as frequently as I can post them...

Leg 1: Coast to Coast the Saab Way

While I've been trying to convince myself that a 10,000 mile jaunt can in fact be a laid back, relaxed, worry free venture, this may not entirely be the case. Between a bevy of pink, alcohol infused beverages this past weekend, my travel mates for leg 1 of this sure to be epic tail pulled me aside and got me to start doing some planning.

I've come up with a rough, 10 day outline that will get us from Skowhegan, ME, the home of Margaret Chase Smith, The Skowhegan State Fair and Guitar Hero Legend Chaz Holmes (no relation) to Metlakatla, AK, the home of...I'll get back to you on that one.

Here's a little breakdown of this part of the journey. Don't stop believing that it will be a blast. (See what I did there with the Journey reference. Yeah, I'm good.)

	Date	Start Location	End Location	Miles	Time	Notes
Day 0	Sunday, July 13	Skowhegan, ME	Pelham, NH	186	3:20
Day 1	Monday, July 14	Pelham, NH	Brockton, NY	516	8:38
Day 2	Tuesday, July 15	Brockton, NY	Portage, IN	449	7:33	Lunch at Notre Dame
Day 3	Wednesday, July 16	Portage, IN	Martin County, MN	504	8:32	There is literally NO reason to stop in Martin, except that we must sleep at some point. Sorry to the good folks of Martin (both of you) for my bluntness
Day 4	Thursday, July 17	Martin, MN	Badlands National Park, SD	392	6:19	Major National Park #1 AND Mt. Rushmore!
Day 5	Friday, July 18	Badlands National Park, SD	Yellowstone National Park, WY	590	11:14	I am trembling with anticipation for this stop. I think I just peed a little.
Day 6	Saturday, July 19	Yellowstone	Yellowstone	0	0	Hiking Day!!!
Day 7	Sunday, July 20	Yellowstone	Glacier National Park, MN	431	9:56
Day 8	Monday, July 21	Glacier National Park	Jasper, Alberta	440	9:54	This drive will go directly through Banff National Park of Canada. Starting to notice the theme yet?
Day 9/10	Tues/Wed, July 22/23	Jasper, Alberta	Prince Rupert, BC	679	13:09	Lots of mountains, moose and Canadians. Which pose the greatest threats?
Day 11	Thursday, July 24	Prince Rupert, BC	Metlakatla, AK	???	???	Ferry travel between the Southern Alaskan Islands

Total miles for this leg? Just short of 4,200. No, it is not the quickest route, but the views will be better than a spring day on the Chapel Hill quad.

Up next, "Leg 2: Salmon, Coffee and Sushi. America's Left Coast"

Give 'er a Go

Ah, the world of blogging. The last barrier between my deep dark secrets being known to only a few and being cached by Google for many future generations to see. The place where new friends can learn of my past, old friends can learn of my present and potential dates can be quickly scared away. Ultimately, it may be my gateway to fame and fortune, or my kick to poverty and despair. Only time will tell.

In the future weeks I'll be documenting my upcoming drive to the southern islands of Alaska from the calm of New Hampshire, and the long road back. There will be some great pictures, maybe an interesting story or two, and a journal of a month long break that couldn't come soon enough.

Can I keep it interesting? Hopefully. Will other people find me as funny as I find myself? Probably not. Will I piss people off because I have no common sense or sense of privacy? Almost absolutely.

So sit back, subscribe, stalk and enjoy.

-Chad