Fun in Horsham

Despite my best efforts, I've been unable to avoid the blogosphere for more than a couple weeks. Add to the fact that my many fans (many can be defined as more than 2, right?) have asked, nay, DEMANDED more posts, and everyone's favorite blogger is right back on track. How about we do this one Q&A style...

Dwight (of Dwight and Carol) writes: "I'm an old man and my days have been devoid of joy since you've stopped posting. Please, share some of your day-to-day exploits and help me make it to my 73rd year."

Well Dwight, what can I say. I just finished a 28 day road trip which I chased with an immediate jump back into the world of software security. Now, don't be jealous, it's not as glamorous as it seems - it's all hack this and break that, but not a whole lot more. Other than that, I've been filling my time with various pursuits of love, miracle cures, continued travels and the ever continuing research of my next auto to replace the trusty Saab.

"Wait", you may say. "Love? Miracle cures? More travels! NOT THE SAAB! Screw the Q&A - go into more details."

I'm not one to deprive my fans, so let's go at this one list style...

Pursuits Of Love?

Alright, lets not get ahead of ourselves on this one. Love is a wee bit strong, but I was somehow able to metaphorically club a lovely lady over the head and drag her home. My escape from the gorilla like clutches of singledom are no doubt due to a combination of my boyish good looks, awkward yet amusing mumblings, eloquent nature of speaking, and of course, this very blog.

Add to the fact that this is yet another 22 year old (I keep getting older, but they stay the same age!), and life isn't all that bad. At this point, I'm obliged to make three statements:

1. Sorry mom - I swear I was trying for an older one.
2. Sorry Mia Manda. Not sure for what yet, but I figure I should just throw it out there.
3. Sorry to everyone else - No naked photos to share. Yet.

I'll save the tales of romantic exploits for future posts, direct-to-VHS videos and family gatherings. Feel free to wonder aloud how I pulled this one off (and how far away she'll move once she comes to her senses...)

Ok, even a blind dog finds a bone sometimes. But what is this talk of miracle cures?

Upon returning to my humble abode (please note the irritated sarcasm on this one), I found my front door covered in monstrous weeds. Unfortunately, I decided that I should get my annual dose of manual labor in and started pulling like a three year old in need of a potty.

Now, in life, there are certain things that select groups of people can usually identify. Fat people always know when a golden corral is nearby. Pervs can usually find an adult superstore in less than 3 minutes on a Saturday evening. Frat boys can find a passed out sorority girl in mere seconds, and techies can find a Micro Center in a micro second (I know, lame). Unfortunately, I know of at least one person who should know what Poison Ivy looks like, but after 28 summers has yet to learn.

I'll not go into the details of puss drenched paper towels, hotel rooms covered in peeling skin, visits to urgent care and steroids that will not make me buff, but do want to share a couple little secrets. There are two products on the market that help remove urushiol from skin and speed the healing. They are called Tecnu Extreme and Zanfel. While they weren't a miracle cure for me, they did stop the oozing a few days early - just in time for me to visit Horsham and Toronto...

Toronto! Horsham? Do tell...

In the glamorous life of consulting, there are many travel opportunities. "Wow!" most people think "I'd love to travel!" Hey, so would I - to New York, Chicago, London, Paris - hell I'd even settle for Norway in the summer.

Unfortunately, I've spent months of my life in Montgomery, AL, Mechanicsburg, PA, Columbus, OH and now Horsham, PA. I shouldn't complain, but there is only such much to love about a Candlewood Suites with an over-amorous neighbor (the room is only home to one person - I asked), a recliner with a 3 inch hole to prove that, yes, they are in fact stuffed with real cotton, and remnants of the last 12 guests who showered in (and around) my bathroom.

Luckily, my stay in Horsham was extended by a day, therefore shortening my weekend visit to Toronto to see the Sox play. Now, my boss was cool about it, and my travel mates didn't seem to mind too much, but having to choose sitting in Horsham writing a blog over an extra night of Canadian stripper boobies in my face was not an easy decision. I guess I'll at least save a buck or two this way and hopefully make a few of you laugh.

And finally, the Saab...

It's a great car. The turbo is new, the seats comfortable, and the gas mileage great. But as another New England winter slowly creeps up on us and my disposable income taps on my shoulder, I've begun my search for a replacement. I really have no idea which way I want to go with this, so feel free to throw out a suggestion or two. Just remember that All Wheel Drive or Four Wheel Drive are required, I am cheap, and I'd prefer something that conveys my elevated level of masculinity.

And that is how I spend my life when I'm not driving around the country. I'll try to liven it up a bit, but can't make too many promises.

Until next time...