Day 5: "God Made Us Number One Because He Loves Us The Best, Well He Should Go Bless Someone Else For A While, Give Us A Rest"*

America is a great country. It really is. I know we have a screwed up political system where it is impossible to make changes, too much poverty and way too many self centered jerks (Refer to "Virgina, Northern" or "Holmes, Chad circa 1999-2006" for proof), but overall, the pros far outweigh the cons. One of the biggest reasons I think this is because any dumbass can make a very good life for themselves with a lot of hard work, the occasional break and an ability to play by the rules.

There are numerous examples of this: The Flat Earth Society, anyone who thinks they are better than someone else based on race (Everyone knows that God puts the better people in America and race has nothing to do with it), and the three stories I would like to share today. They all take place on the lovely 584 mile jaunt from the Badlands KOA to the Livingston, MT KOA.


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Tale 1: The Lonely Vacationer

What do you get when you combine a solo vacationer, dirt "on ramps", 75mph speed limits and some level of idiocy? If you guessed "A jerk driving down a one way interstate TOWARDS you at full speed", then you are a winner. This one doesn't need much explaining, but it was worth mentioning. I don't know whose eyes were bigger, mine or his as I frantically flashed my headlights and waved while narrowly avoiding a real life movie remake.

Illogical Religious Arguments

I attempt to show the minimum religious devotion needed to get Christmas presents each year. This apparently involves giving gifts the previous year, so I should be good for this December. I do have a few friends who I enjoy discussing religion with since they are open minded and can agree to disagree on issues.

This is not one of those cases. I actually listened to an interview for over 20 minutes in which the interviewee stated that contraception should not be used, even if you are to sin and have pre-marital sex. The reason for this? Because the rhythm method is 100% effective if practiced correctly by collecting the female's mucus, internal body temperature and a number of other factors first thing each morning. Yup - that's right. God wants you to poke, prod and pry your lucky lady with medical equipment before poking, prodding and prying her with your own equipment. How romantic.

The Educated Geniuses

Let's say you have an early morning wake up call from thunder and lightning (not my left and right biceps, the natural phenomena). It is pouring and you have a long journey ahead of you. What do you do? If you said "Pack up as quick as possible and get the hell out of Dodge", then you've never met a Holmes. Nope, the correct answer was "Jump in your cars, drive up the muddiest path to the highest hill you can and watch while talking on Walkie Talkies". That's right - three bachelor's degrees, one master's and a handful of common sense and we still attempted to be the highest points in a 5 square mile area just to get a good view. What can I say - if you know me, you're probably not surprised. If you don't, welcome into my mind.

And since the stories weren't as exciting as usual, please enjoy some pictures of the Montana horizon:

The view from the Livingston, MT KOA


Moose


Cows and Mountains


The road


Off to Old Faithful tomorrow followed by a drive to Glacier. Lots of changes in the schedule - details to come...

*Ben Folds